Varma Mackor

I need to get better at updating my blog, so that I don't have a million things to tell you when I finally do... I don't even know where to start. The beginning, maybe. Okay, yeah. Well, I'll keep this short because I just woke up, I have my coffee here next to me, but I'm not sure it'll be enough jump start my brain this morning since yesterday was the last day of shooting my short film Varma Mackor, and like with any other shoot, the day after you feel sort of hungover from all the adrenalin and energy and coffee, plus reality takes a moment to get used to as well. Also, another reason I have to keep this short, is that I have to leave soon, I'm meeting up with Tove at Östermalmstorg to get the harddrives from her, the harddrives with all the material, I'm kind of freaked out actually... but first things first:

Pre-production. One big rollercoaster ride. But every bump in the road was dealt with quickly and smoothly, and things pretty much fell into place, over and over again, which in of itself is unheard of I think, so I was harbouring some "too good to be true" pessimism already. But the first day of shooting, we were in a school in Salem, we had a ridiculously short time to get the stuff we wanted to get from the two scenes we were shooting, a lot less time than what was needed to get them, actually. We also had, around us, fifteen kids that "belonged" to us and were extras in the scenes, as well as eighty kids that belonged to the school and were curious about what we were doing. But for some reason, things fell into place again and we actually finished ahead of time. My "too good to be true" suspicions increased.

The next two days of the shoot we were in the producer's dad's house and shoot the kitchen scenes and the scenes in the doorway to the brother's room. And long story short, I can't even begin to tell you how extremely happy I am about the stuff I have. The crew was great, Tove did an amazing job with the photography, and Edvin the scenographer was literally amazing, both with the scenography and as a person to work with. He was calm, concentrated, humble, had an eye for details, was patient with me when I got all excited and wanted to help decorate the brother's room, any other scenographer might have got annoyed because I stepped on their toes, but he was just amused and let me bounce around and then concentrated on his thing. In the end, all the material we got, both in the kitchen and the room, looked amazing, I got some seriously excellent stuff out of the actors, who were all amazing as well. Wilma who played the lead girl is a wonder, I have never seen anything like it, and everyone else have reacted the same. She is so focused, so nuanced and natural, she has this aura about her, she is so intelligent, and no matter what directon I gave her, she took it and used it, nothing blocked her, not even the ridiculously long and difficult lines of dialogue that she had. I mean, the stuff that she got to do this weekend, emotionally, mentally, and even physically when we did her POV shots and she had to sit on the floor between Tove and and the table and try and reach her hands up and repeat her actions from the scene, it was extremely tough stuff to do, for a grown-up experienced actor, and for a child actor, it's basically impossoble. I mean, to get natural from a child actor is tough enough. I have to stop praising her now... but you'll see when the film is done, she's just incredible. They all are.

Anyway. Since I'm so happy with everything, you can understand that the "this is too good to be true" feeling has increased to epic proportions and why I'm freaked out about getting the harddrives with all the material on them now, I'm thinking I'll either be robbed on my way home or get hit by a bus...

Today I had sunshine in the palms of my hands.

So I went into town to meet up with Anja before our appointment with this actor. She was just as nervous as I was, possibly even more so. But the meeting went swimmingly. The guy turned out to be, not only great, interesting and sensible, but a truly genuine person as well (which is the most important quality in my book, since I seem to be surrounded largely by people who are anything but...) Mine and Anja's intuition about this actor is looking more and more spot on, just sitting there talking to the guy, just drinking in his energy and general way, I'd almost say I had the actual character from my script in front of me. And knowing that he's a really talented and charismatic yet subtle actor as well, from seeing his performance in the wonderful mini-series "De halvt dolda", it's just perfect casting and I am so happy right now!

Oh, and he seemed really pleased with the information he recieved from us as well and had some really interesting thoughts and ideas about the script, which he really liked on top of everything, and when we got to discussing work method I found out that we're completely on the same page when it comes to acting and process work, being more interested in exploring the character and the scene and the character's relationship with other characters and just be present in the now and open to impulses (and basically everything I learned from the amazing Stephen Park and keep learning again and again through my own experiences since VFS) rather than focusing on Stanislavskis earlier methods (that he later revised because he himself realised that it wasn't the best method) which is what most acting schools and courses seem to teach, where you basically reach back in your memory and use experiences from your own life to re-create a certain emotion, instead of just being present in the moment, with your co-actor, reacting to the given circumstances and exploring the scene. And this actor, Henrik, was all on board with that, and the way he talked about it, when I asked him how he preferred to work usually, he basically voiced all of my own opinions and preferences, both as an actor and as a director. So I'm really looking forward to working with him now! Hopefully he and the girl who'll probably play the main characters (his little sister in the film) will connect and have some real, interesting chemistry between them... if they do, then I have half my work done already, and the result will most likely be amazing too...

Anja and I walked around for a bit after we'd said goodbye to Henrik, all giddy from how well the meeting went, and ended up (as we always seem to) having some firey discussions about everything, but mostly about film, especially the films we want to make, how women are portrayed in film that get made and the kind of scripts we write and our (quite similar) writing style that not many people seem to get. It's really funny, because I just mentioned one example of a detail from my screenplay, a thing that my main character does, and I didn't even have time to explain why I thought it was important -- she got it instantly! -- and that's why I love her. And that's why I'm re-writing my screenplay again, I'm still getting rid of the pretentious choice of phrases that I sometimes use, but I'm keeping my details. And that's that.

Met up with Anja yesterday for coffee and conversation. She also brought me up to speed with her end of the casting. This actor that we really want for the part of the Big brother, she actually got a hold of him and pitched him the project and he seemed genuinely intrested. So she emailed him the script. Now we just have to wait and see. Other than that, I guess things are coming together.

I spent a while cruising a second-hand store and found some clothing items for a couple of the characters, as well yesterday. The store wouldn't actually lend them to me, so I ended up buying them. But I only chose things that I can see myself wearing, that way it's not a big deal if I don't get re-imbursed for them, I'll just keep them after the shoot. The two blouses/dress shirts that I found for the Mother, in particular, will more than make up for it, they're just my type, all 70s style and kind of hideous, but in a cool way. I just love my hideous shirts.

Production updates

So I finally got Internet on my computer! No more blogging via ridiculously tiny iphone keyboard (unless in a pinch), which is such a relief, I can't even tell you. Unfortunately I'll have to make this short, since I'm heading out.

My producer Alexandra is picking me up in half an hour, then we're going to go check out a location for the short film (Varma mackor) and we're picking up Tove (DOP) and Anja (AD and darling) on the way as well. It's all coming together, actually. I was at a barbecue at Frida's place last night, with Alexandra and a bunch of other people they both know, and we actually had a toast for it. Alexandra's got the whole crew assembled, we've pretty much decided on three out of five actors, all the locations are more or less found. I've made a storyboard. Yep, things are looking up. 

On the economical front, not so much, though. But I'll worry about that tomorrow. Today, it's all about Varma mackor.

Busy bee, busy bee, busy beeezzZZ

I'm back home visiting my parents now. So far, so good. Although my diet is already suffering.. Other new developments, that would be of some kind of interest to you (even though I'm sure that my diet will now be the topic of your conversations for days to come...)

On my way here, as I was waiting for the train actually, I got an email from the producer I did my internship with last term, asking me if I'd be willing to translate the dialogue of one of her films into English for the subtitles for when she sends it to festivals, and I'll get paid for it and everything! Yay for paid work!

I finished the synopsis and Director's vision and my film CV, for the pre-production package for the short film, now all I have left to do is the mood board (saving the most difficult to last) and then we're all set to apply for funding and whatnot, so film people, ideas and moral support for the mood board-making, please...

What else... went with my mum to this theme day at CFL yesterday, it was quite interesting. Lectures/discussions about Vision work and Sustainable development, within the municipality of Söderhamn (my home town). I got some great creative inspiration and a film idea out of it, too.

Oh, and I got the room in the commune! So I'm no longer homeless-to-be! Which is a load off my mind and shoulders, now I can focus on my mood board and my assignment for school tomorrow -- I'm supposed to write for television in a group this and next week, my group just had their first brainstorming meeting, via crappy chat program on First Class, although we didn't do nearly enough brainstorming for my taste, it was more focus on agreeing on semantics about what the assignment actually was, and having not read the schedule or the assignment at all, I got rather restless, once we'd decided which idea we were going with, I wanted to start brainstorming for real, come up with ideas for sub-plotlines, key scenes, underlying themes, character developments and archs and relationships and all that stuff... but we decided that we're supposed to brainstorm on our own respectively (...) and chat again tomorrow morning -- I don't know when I'll have time to go to the neighbouring town Bollnäs and apply for a new passport at this rate, but I'll have to think of something...

Now, before I start brainstorming with myself... I'm going to give Anja a call and talk casting.

Slow

So I thought I'd be able to write a longer, more detailed blog entry while I was away, but of course the wireless connection at the inn was completely uncooperative, and now I'm back in Stockholm again. Actually, I'm at the library in Solna, just so I can get access to an internet connection.

The three days in Sunne were intense. It started on a dramatic note the night before, actually. Kajsa and I were driving down, or up, or sideways, whereever it is in relationship to Stockholm, my geography knowledge is just as bad as my sense of direction... because halfway there, the car went and died on us. Then it started up again, and after about ten minutes, it died again... and so it went, all the way to Sunne, which meant that instead of arriving at about ten o'clock at night, we got there at about midnight, or one o'clock in the morning, I'm not sure... needless to say we're exhausted and shaken up (it's quite scary when you're driving in a single lane on the highway in the middle of the night and your car breaks down and the only other traffic besides yourself are these huge trucks and lorries...) but we got to where we were going in one piece and that's all that matters.

The feedback discussions in my group were awesome, so inspiring. My script was up last, on the second day, and just like all the previous feedback and open discussions, I was overwhelmed by the extensive and rewarding feedback, also I was surprisingly struck by a revelation of my own, halfway through, that one of the characters in my screenplay is actually based on a real person from my past, and that was mind-boggling I can tell you... and that, as well as the revelation that I had just before writing this sixth draft about my main characters intimacy disorder, is the reason I'm experiencing the most amount of resistence to continuing this writing process that I have since I started. In fact, I haven't even so much as opened the document on my computer since then. Instead I started writing a play for this contest, deadline 15th of September.

I sent a text to the producer about meeting to talk about my short film, still haven't heard back from her. I guess it is Sunday, and she just finished shooting another short film and I only just sent the text this morning, but still. Things are happening too slowly, I feel like I need to explode all over the place, like everything around me is happening in slow motion and I have to try and reel myself in and force myself to go more slowly, and it's really frustrating. It's like being a kid again. Constantly being told to settle down, slow down, repeat myself more slowly, be still. I hate that.

Short films and such

Finally got around to ripping the Vancouver Film School DVD and selecting the few acceptable clips from the short "Tequila Rose" (that I -- I'm ashamed to admit -- wrote the script for, in addition to playing the title role) and I've edited those together into a trailer-like show reel. Because there's not way I'm ever show the whole thing to anyone, since the good moments are severely over-shadowed by the horror that is the rest of the film. And the director, photographer and editor managed to put something together that is nowhere near what I'd intended with the script, so I don't want people to think I actually wrote that. The script wasn't that good to begin with, but it sure wasn't a sketch from SNL and that's what the end result resembles.

Had a meeting with Tove, the photographer who's going to shoot my short film that I'm preparing now, and talked about the cinematography. And yesterday I met up with Anja and we talked a little about the short as well, amongst everything else between the sky and the earth, as we are wont to do when we see each other. I'm trying to coax her into helping me with the casting in addition to being Assistant Director during the shoot. She really wants to, but she's got a lot on her plate right now with school and her own projects, so it's a matter of having the time. But I'm sure we'll make it work somehow.

And how are you..

I've just realized that since my last neurotic hair-cutting, I now have almost exact same hairstyle and colour as I did when I cut off my hair halfway through sixth grade; can we say "full circle"?

Today, I'm writing a new synopsis to my screenplay, to sort through the chaos in my own mind, but also in order to send to my mentor-person-thingy and have her read it, to see if we're on the same page at all, because after her last feedback, I'm beginning to think we're talking about different stories and different characters. Also, I'm going to translate it into english so that Ana Maria can read it and give me some tips on how to pitch the story, since my attempt at the Gothenburg festival went South very quickly and she's actually great at pitching stories, I remember her telling me once.

But first, I'm writing it in Swedish. And later today, well tonight, really, I'm meeting up with Tove who's agreed to film my short, and we're going to sit down and discuss the cinematography and such. Fun, fun.

Plans and dreams

So Anja is really excited about London now. Met up for coffee (although, surprisingly, I had tea for once.) and conversation again, inspiring and hopeful as always, and she'd mulled over my ideas about moving to London since the last time I saw her and it's grown on her, now she's really set on it. I love when that happens.

Sometimes, I get an idea in my head and I go overboard with my enthusiasm and it can sort of scare people off of the whole thing.

Like one night in Ana Maria's place in Kitsilano, when she still lived with Luis, and I was still together with Brett and we were both there, hanging out... Brett and I were on the balcony smoking, but we were allowed to leave the door open because it was summer and we were in the middle of a conversation. And Ana Maria and Luis, well one of them, I don't remember who thought of it first, but they started telling us about this place where you could skydive and it was fairly cheap, and they threw it out there "we should do that sometime, all four of us" -- and I've always wanted to skydive, and I was sold, sold, on the idea, I got excited and all hyper-y, and started planning it out, wanting to go that same weekend, and wanted to know if they were able to get away then or did they have work -- I didn't get why they were laughing at me at the time, but thinking back, I realize they must've thought I was acting like a big kid. I was dead serious about going, I would have gone that second if that was option. But the others were just talking. And we never ended up going, and I just hate when that happens, people get my hopes up on something when they never real have any intention of seeing it through... I guess that's some kind of collective form of daydreaming that normal people do for pastime, but I just find it really confusing and frustrating.

Anyway. London is definitely on the agenda.

Now I just have to convince Cesar to save up money to come visit us once we're actually settled down over there, and then I can bring him over to Sweden with me, and he can meet my family since they won't shut about wanting to meet him (well my dad and my little brother does, my mum's already met him.) and then I'll whisk him away to the town hall and marry him or something, so that I can keep him close to me forever and ever and ever (no Fatal Attraction vibes intended.)

In the much nearer future, I've just sent off an email with a script for a short film to an independent producer with whom I've worked twice, one the zombie film and the Roxette music video, who also happens to be a lovely, gorgeous lady, and I'm hoping she'll like the script and want to help me get it done.

Now I'm going to work in the 2nd act of my feature screenplay for a while before talking to Ana Maria and Cesar on Skype. The time difference is a real pain, but if there is a will, there's a way !

Things are coming to a new beginning.

Last night we had the screening at school, tonight we have a bigger one (if more people show up, at least) out in Subtopia outside of town. Last night was weird. My parents, my big brother and my friend Annsofie and her husband came to see mine and Anja's (and the other's) short films, there was a heavy sense of anticipation-mixed foreboding in the air, at least within the class, at least I felt so, like something was about to drastically change and we could all feel it and it made our skins prickle but so far everything was exactly the same so we had to stall or hide our reactions to it, so we were stomping on egg shells and making eye contact like it was nothing and pretending like it didn't feel like it was the last time we saw it others, which it wasn't, but it sort of felt like it anyway. We had a toast and chaotic talk afterward with our professor and mentor Maria, she'd bought champagne, I was listening to the others talk, some tried to keep it light, others wanted to make speeches, Tobbe was drunk, Maria was hard to read as usual but smiling more than ever, I didn't say anything.

Earlier in the day Anja and I went to the screening of the third year's final productions, amongst them the zombie film, although we had to leave before the last film because our photographer sent us a text message and said there was something wrong with the files and she couldn't convert the film from the program to a Quick time, and later we heard that the last film was the best one by far. But at least we got to see the ones we'd been involved in. The zombie film turned out great!

I'm in school again now. Min and I are printing and folding more fliers for the screening tonight. The weird feeling from yesterday is still here. But it's not like I'm anxious about the future, not like before, because I got an email from the school I've applied to for that scriptwriting course for next year and I got in, so I know what my next step is, so it's not like I'll be thrown into an abyss as soon as the doors to the school close behind me.

Saturday, and clearly spring.

So I woke up at six o'clock this morning, at first feeling pretty good, but I think that was a reaction in comparison to how I normally feel when I'm up at six in the morning. I got up, and started to feel dizzy and faint. I also had a killer crick in my neck so I must have slept too curled up... I went to make coffee, planning to get som writing done before going to Vårrullen film festival where I was supposed to promote Baskursen at Dramatiska Institutet with three guys from my class. But I started feeling nauseous so I went back to bed. I couldn't go back to sleep so I watched two and a half movies (Saw 1, Killer deadline and From dusk till dawn) before I dozed off. My mobile ring tone (which is the song my little brother and his band recorded when he was like 13...) woke me up at noon and it was one of the guys, they were heading towards the place. I still felt like death reheated in a microwave, plus my throat was started to get sore, so I called Tobbe to make sure he had the stuff and that he was going, and then I decided to stay home and take it easy. I feel bad about it, since now our course is being represented by guys only, since I was the only girl who signed up, but I can't afford to get sick before the shoot, in case I'm coming down with another cold or something... I did discard my winter jacket the other day and yesterday it was pouring down rain...

Positive things, though! We now have a beautiful, perfect flat to shoot in, it was like walking into my own script, the only thing I could think was "This is where Maj (the main character) lives!" so that's taken care of, beyond expectations. And yesterday we heard back from the photographer, and she said yes too! I'm clapping my hands and giggling whenever I think about it!

The plant I got from mum when I got into D.I. has resurrected again. It's even got a new leaf amidst the dried-up old ones now.

After I met up with my old friend Annsofie for a coffee and a chat a while back, I wrote three poems on the ride home, just straight from my subconscious, no editing, and I put them up on this poetry website, and one of them ("luftskjul") were selected by the editors to be on the main page, they have a place for poems they want people to pay attention to, and I never got one of my poems noticed like that before, with my edited poems, so maybe poetry works the opposite way from scriptwriting for me, because my first draft of a script is incomprehensible to most people and I need to edit like crazy before anyone gets what it's about, and I rely on loads of good feedback to get the story where it needs to go... but apparantly in poetry, I should just wruite from my "creative unconscious" as the mother character in "Running with scissors" kept saying, and not edit too much...

I feel better now, just got a mild headache and a mildly sore throat (but my neck still hurts like a thumbscrew!) but I'm glad I decided to stay at home, I think I need the weekend to focus and recharge my batteries, plus I have to write a new version for Vargens timma and start editing Brev till min mamma (which needs a lot of work, the main plot was lost on Maria, so it's as unclear as can be, pus she said it was too slow in the build-up, I needed to start where the "action" starts for the main character, and she's completely right, of course, she's actually really great at giving feedback!)

Jam jars!

Growing out of my skin. The future is a kaleidoscope of confusing thoughts and maybe-options. Dreams. Realities. Not really terrifying, at least not today. Possibilities. Hope. Self-confidence.

I just compiled an application package for scriptwriting course on distance (is that what you call it, I don't think so... I don't know what you call it. But you work from home, you don't go to a school every day, you only meet up about three times per term, the rest of the time you keep in contact with mentors and course mates via internet and work on your own projects and give each other feedback. I thought that would be a great option, because then you can work at the same time and earn your rent, plus work on your film projects on the side as well, if you have time.) and mailed it. I also mailed a letter to Mexico.

In a bit, Anja and I are meeting up with a photographer we hope will want to shoot our short. After that we have a script meeting with out teacher Maria. After that we're going to look at a flat we'll hopefully be allowed to shoot in.

The date of our first day of filming is getting closer. Both Anja and I are rather stressed out. But we also had a meeting with the photo professor at the school yesterday and told him about the script and what we wanted to do (show the world as the main character sees it when she's experiencing anxiety with distorted perspective, tunnel vision, shadows moving around her, and then as it gets really bad, we want to embody Anxiety itself as this shadow creature watching her from the background and slowly moving closer to her) and he gave us loads of inspiring and creative tips and ideas, like us, he's all for old school tricks as opposed to the newest, most expensive technique, and that was a relief to hear. For example, instead of a 35 mm adapter and different lenses to achieve these effects like distorted perception of the room, he said he used film through different see-through objects like jam jars and the glass part of a paraffin lamp. And he also said that he filmed in a studio once and they literally made the room bigger and smaller by moving the walls, and said that would be a really effective way to make the walls close in on the character... but we're filming on location, so the walls are immovable, but then I thought of a way to achieve that same effect, if you go in for closer shots so that you don't see the whole rooms or more than one wall, you can move a piece of furniture closer, or move the actor (that would be me...) closer to the wall! So yes, we're stressed out, but we're also really excited now, thanks to the inspiration of this teacher! Old school tricks seem to be one.) more effective and creative, and two.) way more fun!

Well, I should get going. Just wanted to check in.
Peace, love and respect

The show must go on...

One chapter ends and another begins; we had our group feedback meeting with our teachers today. Didn't do much good, but at least it went down civilly, and I'd feared some kind of nasty row, but it was fine. It started getting ugly towards the end, but I put my foot down and asked that we just ended the meeting, because nothing good would come out of rehashing these issues. Kalle and I are on the same page, and Azigza is reading a whole other book. I'm not going to work with him ever again, and the feeling is mutual, so what's the point in arguing over this? At least we could all agree on that.

So now Kalle and I are editing the film. Azigza is making his own, just for himself, to learn more about the editing process. It was his idea to step back from it and leave the project, and we were more than happy about that. It sucks that it should be that way, but that's the way it is, and you're not always going to get along with people you meet and work with, apparantly. It's been a really great and educational experience and my overall experience with the whole project has been really positive. I've had great fun. I've discovered that Kalle and I work extremely well together and I want to work with him again. I managed to get through the shoot and do my job as well as keep on a straight face in front of the actors even after that nasty occurance on the second morning between Azigza and me, and everything that happened, one thing after another that just added to the pile of tension and frustration. On the one hand I'm really glad that it's all over now. On the other I just want to keep going, I want to keep filming, I miss it already and I can't wait to get started on my next project!

We did it!

We finished the shoot! We got everything and it all looked fantastic, I'm giddy as hell right now! The film is going to be great!

The team ended on even worse terms than we began, unfortunately, and I'm not going to be a gossip and bitch about it here, but the photographer and us other two just didn't work together, and from that perspective I'm really glad it's over, and I am never working with him again, not a chance, for several reasons that will be left un-divulged here, and I'm fine with that and I'm sure the feeling is very mutual. I'm just annoyed because I thought I could communicate and collaborate with anyone, because I consider myself quite adaptable and empathetic, but it turns out I can't. I''ve met him and I've put on a semi-happy and professional facade and got through these past three days and got the result I wanted from the shoot, but never again.

Kalle, on the other hand, my co-director, has been amazing. He's the reason I got through the negative bullshit and was able to eventually shake off what happened yesterday morning and still direct, he's basically an angel and I loved every moment of us working together and I really hope we'll work together again.

The rest of the team, who assisted ours was great too, all in all we've had a really good experience and a really great time!

Martin, the actor who played the male character in the short, texted me after they'd left today and said to tell everyone thanks, that we'd all worked great and developed a lot just during these three days and that he'd got to do a lot of really difficult stuff and we should be proud of ourselves (now, that's the best mark one could get on a school project, wouldn't you say?)

I'll give you more details on the actual film and shots and stuff later, but now I'm beat. Good night!

First day of shooting "I was here"

First of all, you are not going to believe it, but I was on set at six in the morning today. Others were not. Our lead actress had to drop off her daughter at daycare and then catch a train and she got to the house at half past eight, so by the time we got around to shooting our first take of the day we were already two hours behind schedule. And we still finished an hour earlier than we'd originally planned! So yes, we were off to a slow, slightly chaotic start, but around noon we found a rhythm and we worked really well. We just had a few minor hiccups with the photography due to our photographer, but all in all the team worked well.

The actors were great once they were there and we all got into our rhythm and got better organized. Especially our little child actor, Anja's niece Hanna, even though she technically had a really boring day because all she had to do was lie in bed and pretend to sleep every time she was in frame, and then a few times roll over in her sleep, but she did great. She kept her energy and spirit up. She seemed to have a genuinely good time. She even drew the birthday card that we needed for the breakfast tray that the dad brings the mum in the scene (and she drew it the way she would have drawn it when she was six even though she's seven, because he character is six! She even misspelled "Congratulations" to make it authentic!)

I was really worried that we wouldn't have time to get all the shots we needed for the day, especially this morning when we still hadn't heard from our actress and she didn't answer her phone, but we did get all the shots and we finished ahead of time!

After the actors had all left I sat down and cut and pasted the storyboard for tomorrow and planned the shots around Hanna so she wouldn't have to wait around all day when she wasn't needed and around the hours we'll have of daylights (the shots with the window showing have to be shot before it gets dark, and the ones facing away from the window we can recreate the light in, it's probably our biggest issue time-wise, since we have good daylight between half past eight and three this time of year -- and it only gets darker! -- and the entire film takes place during morning and noon basically, besides one tiny scene...) and while I did that and Kalle and Anja started cleaning up in the kitchen, the rest of the crew fell asleep on the set upstairs! It was rather funny actually, they'd spread out on the few comfy surfaces that were available and just passed out, the sound girl and photographer shared the couch and the 2nd photographer sprawled out on the bed we used for the scenes!

I'm really happy about today. We got some great shots. Especially the ones of her in a coma in the hospital, the lighting was excellent and it looks beautiful!

I'm really excited about tomorrow, I don't even mind the early call, I can't wait to get started and keep going with, hopefully, the same energy and rhythm we found today, and also, hopefully, the same result! It's so much fun! I'm exhausted and my whole body aches or some reason (probably the tension) but I feel awesome!

Angels and cocktail parties

I never told you about my dad's guardian angel's latest adventure, did I?

Well, my mum was in town, she was supposed to babysit my brother's kids and then come and see me and stay over at my place and take me to lunch the next day before going back home... this was the weekend I was recuperating. And I was quite looking forward to the lunch and the pity I was expecting being dying and all (I get very immature and pathetic when I'm sick) but I get a text message on my mobile saying "I'm on a train heading home, not feeling very well" so the whole thing was cancelled.

Well, I was on the phone with her later in the week and it turns out she'd called my dad on his mobile, he was on the island, working on the new cottage I suppose, and my little brother was at home by himself, and mum just called to check in... well, my dad answers the phone, completely out of it, disorientated and sounding completely wasted... and my mum started panicking and thinking he'd "relapsed" and got drunk for some reason and started painting these horror scenrios in her head, what if something happens with Simon at home, what if something happens with Thomas out there, stranded on the island and completely incapacitated, etc (I take after her, I think) and she worried to the point where she was in a right panic and she had to go home, to be there for Simon so he wouldn't be alone if nothing else...

Turns out, dad had been taking a nap in the cottage and been slowly but steadily carbon poisoned (I think that's what it's called) from the old gas stove (I think) and what happens with that is that you don't notice anything's wrong, and you get sleepy and you fall asleep and then you never wake up... so if my mum hadn't phoned my dad and woke him up, well he'd be dead now! luckily though, she did phone and wake him up, and he was all dizzy and out of it and realized something was wrong, and got out of the cottage and opened the door and windows to get all the gas out. And once again, he made it out alive.

On my side of the world, our sister team has just finished their shoot, and next week ours is up. I'm really excited. I was more nervous and anxious before, but now we've tidied up the storyboard, we've started preparing stuff ahead of time, we got all the equipment to the house yesterday and started trying out shots and lighting, which we'll be doing all day tomorrow as well; we're going to plan every shot in detail before the shoot so that we don't waste any actual filming time on setting up and adjusting lights or angles, because we're literally not going to have time. We're going to have time to do a maximum of two-three takes of each frame/scene and maybe one rehearsal and blocking, but that's it. I'm really stoked though! I think we're actually going to be able to pull it off!

Taking tonight off for Annelie (my brother's wife) and her friend's cocktail party! I'm more nervous about that I think... but it'll be fun. I haven't had time to go second hand shopping for anything to wear, but mum brought my red dress with her from home, and I don't care if it's not a cocktail dress per se, that's what I'm wearing (even though I'll look like a scarlet woman...) and black "boots" -- yes, you heard me right, Cesar, I'm going in black boots, and not fancy heels, I'm sorry, but that's just the way it's going to be! -- I can't stay too long though, and I can't drink (well, the welcome drink is fine I think, but no more after that) because I have to get up early in the morning and start preparing for the shoot! So exciting!

Red Tea.

Nothing like your reckless dad and his guardian angel to put your chest cold in perspective for you... I'll save that story for another night, though. Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive. I did not perish in the swine flu. I have been sick (not with the swine flu, at least I don't think so...) more so than I ever remember being, but I'm feeling much better after a whole weekend of resting and watching British crime shows on DVD (Midsomer Murder and Wire in the blood) and drinking tea would you believe it

//rant follows//--> I found it, the one and only tea that doesn't make me gag! I found it the first time in Vancouver, at Death By Chocolate, and at Starbucks, but neither of those brands are available in stores over here and so I've been trying to find it again, going through all kinds of citric flavours because I remember the tea having a hint of lemon or something, and it was really spicy as well, not bitter but not sweet or fruity either... well, they all tasted awful and I was just about to give up, but then I was sullenly going through all the teas on the shelf in my local store one evening and feeling sorry for myself and there was this new sort of tea bags that were pyramid-shaped and it was red tea, or it's not really tea at all it's rooibos but it's called red tea, and I thought I'd try it and it's the one! Isn't that typical that the one tea I can stand to drink is the red one? Seems to be my theme recently... //...end of rant//

Casting is a nightmare. The girls are great and the guys are catastrophic. And the worst part is that my two class mates who are making the short with me have their heart set on this one guy and I think he's absolutely horrible and completely wrong for the part and I don't know what I'm going to do. I've demanded/begged for a second casting tomorrow and we've contacted three more guys, but I'm not even sure about those. There aren't a lot of guys in their 25-35s with a lot of experience in this town... I thought there would be, but there isn't. And most aren't right for the role. At this rate I'll have to rewrite the script and make it a lesbian couple... (one of the other groups did that actually, for the same reason...)

On the brink of something extreme, don't know what yet

So, tomorrow is the day. I just spoke to the film guy again on the phone and to be honest I don't have a very good feeling about this, but I'm in a desperate situation and it calls for a leap.. and then there's the interview at the dramatic institute, so that's a good thing (I'm awfully nervous!)

And today my Vancouver pals are shooting their short! I'm ever so excited about that as well, I just wish I could be there with them, but ah well. Another time! Trust me, though, I think it's going to be brilliant, because the script is great and they're a talented and creative lot, so I'm sure it's going to be something really special (unless they kill each other in the process!)

Heading into town for a coffee right now. Well, in a bit.

filming with a mobile phone

I engaged my brother Simon and to some extent my dad in the making of that three minute mobile phone film for the dramatic institute, I made some blood and we made a mess of the kitchen and it was awesome, but in the end the film was terrible and I decided not to go with it and tried a different approach... and I had another, simpler idea, that I persuaded my brother to go along with (on the condition that I don't put it up on youtube or facebook... -- it involves makeup...) and we shot it while the parents were out and it turned out great! I shot the whole thing against the light from various windows, and in the end, as he's in the bathroom putting on makeup, I filmed his reflection and ours is a bathroom mirror that's also a cupboard so there's an edge in the middle of it, and I positioned myself so that it ran straight down the middle of Simon's face (for the most part) -- I hope the people at the film school will get the symbolism in those things, because I put a lot of thought into it and quite felt like I was following in the footsteps of Bergman or something! well... maybe not... but I thought it was rather clever at least, plus I timed it perfectly, so Simon walks out of the house and the door closes behind him, right in fornt of me, at the end and that 2 minutes and 54 seconds! Cool, right?

It's monday, what do you expect?

No video today I'm afraid. Just plain old-fashioned writing (it is what I do best, after all... and so modest!) I'm positioned at the old kitchen table, procrastinating and marvelling at the shortage of hair on my head (it's liberating to chop off your hair, okay, I'm not over it yet, give me a break!)

My mother got a parcel from Nova Scotia today, from Tony's parents, for some reason. We're all puzzled about it, I wanted to respond with a witty (and mean) "Romeo & Juliet" quote, but the mother had a visit by Jiminy Cricket and the parcel has been left unresponded to at this time.

I put together another little short in Windows Movie Maker (this stuff is addictive, it seems! although... I can get addicted to anything and everything, so maybe it's just me...) this one is even artsier and uncomprehensible than the first one I did, mostly symbolic and mainly pretentious, but there is a cool scene where I chop off my hair that makes it worth while to watch at least once (I said give me a break!)

Dad is fixing the hall. Brother is adolescent. Mum is at work. So that leaves me and the cat and I think I'm going to go for a walk once I've finished my coffee.