Struggling through the summer.

I love the ocean. I've been in it more than I've been on land this past weekend. Sucks to not have anyone to swim with though. My baby brother is such a "badkruka" (I couldn't find a translation. But it's someone who's afraid to or doesn't like to swim or bathe, that boring person tip-toeing the water from the shore, feeling the temperature as their friend's dive in, sort of thing..) He rather lie on an inflatable mattress and tan than actually be in the water, he says it's too cold and he doesn't like to get his head and face wet or something.. he takes after mum, for sure.

They used to say I should have been a fish. When I was a kid, when I'd just learned to run but not yet how to swim..

I used to make a dash for it whenever we were out on the island, and of course I was allowed to splash around by the very shore, but not unattended, because I could very well drown.. but my parents couldn't watch me all the time, though, because they had better things to do apparently, which I doubt to this day, but that's how the story goes anyway.. so they had this ingenius idea to strap on a harness on me and attach a leash to it. I know.. well, anyway, one time they'd forgot to tie the other end of the leash to anything solid, so of course I made a run for it, down the path to the dock I went, shouting "baaaba!" as I went (a rather excited and childish version of the Swedish verb "bada" that translates to "swim" or "bathe")

My mum, then, acted on pure instinct and her instinct was to stop me from getting to far, so she simply stomped on the leash. It stopped me. I quite literally went, phomp, and fell to the ground. That was the end of harness-wearing days, on my over-protective dad's insistence, and I guess they were forced to take turns to do their other things from then on so that at least one of them was with me at all times, and watched my splash. As it should have been all along.

No longer the case. Not that I would want my parents sit and watch me do tricks in the water or anything, I'm not a dolphin, thank you. But I miss having someone to swim with out there. It's still nice though. I love being under the water and watch the sunbeams shoot through the darkness. And the water in the Baltic Sea is a mix between sweet and salt water, so it's not too salty on your eyes, so you can swim around down there with your eyes open for hours without hurting them. That's my favourite place to be.

The sun is literally killing me though. Not to mention the non-existant break from the daylight. But it will get darker and darker now as we move towards autumn. I should pack my things. Dad says to leave my books and everything here. I don't know if I can do that. I already had to part from some of my book collection this year. I'm definitely taking all my movies, though. And most of my clothes.

Oh, I had my doctor's appointment today. They even did an EKG on me (that's when they put little electronic thingys on your chest and check your heart activty) That was unpleasant. Not the actual procedure, cause it was painless and uneventful and quick and everything, but I had to take my shirt and bra off, not too comfortable with that, especially lying down under the hands of a complete stranger. She was nice about it though. So it was fine. I get to do my blood tests tomorrow. Really early in the morning, like ungodly so, merely minutes after I've surely fallen asleep, if I even get that far.. and all this only to have them tell me I'm fine. Ironic, isn't it.

Don't forget to kiss your Potions Master good bye

Ana phoned last night, when I was in the middle of trying to help my mother organize a shipment of sports wear for my brother's football club that is taking up our entire living room, so not only was it great to hear a friendly voice again, but I quite welcomed the break too! And this morning I discover I got an email from her as well, it doesn't rain but it pours, really.

You know this sucks, this whole long distance thing. Because it's like being in denial. Because people drift apart when they're away form each other, so you know that's going to happen, and if you deny that and refuse to see it, I think it's only going to happen sooner. Whereas, if you're relaxed about it and trust that there's a reason you're keeping in touch and there's a reason why you still want to think of that person being in your life even though they're not an active part of your everyday life, then maybe it won't happen at all. I don't know, what do I know about keeping in touch, really. All I've ever done is run away from things, and places, and people. It's amazing I even have any friends left, when you think about it. Well, I quit running away a while ago, about a year ago I'd say, and now I find myself doing it again, emotionally, not actually. I'm withdrawing a bit. But it's okay, because I know what I'm doing. And I am going to finish this novel if it kills me. And then I'm going to start a career thingy in film in Sweden. And then, who knows.. I'll cross that road when I get to it. But I know this much, those of you who are actually following this blog, I'm guessing, are also the ones I see in that crossroads, no matter what it brings, so buckle down, I think we're in for a ride!

On the home front, things are okay. My little brother finally managed to nag enough for dad to buy him a moped instead of paying him wages for working with him at the cottage and stuff, but of course, now he's too busy driving the thing instead of actually working. Mum found out that there is a new law concerning mopeds though, and that is you still new a license to drive one, which my brother hasn't, and he's not old enough to drive it yet. You're supposed to be fifteen, and he has a few months to go yet. So if he gets caught on that thing, it goes on my dad's record, not his. And all because he "could bore a rock."

I got a doctor's appointment for the last of this month, I wanted to check my blood and stuff, to see if I lack anything, you know, vitamins and iron, that sort of thing. I mean, I must be, cause I'm exhausted. Also I saw this notice at the clinic that if you had a blood transfusion between 75 and 91 you should get tested for hepatitis, so I'm going to do that as well. Apparently you can't just do a regular check-up at the doctor's anymore like you do at the dentist, you have to actually wait til you're sick to get an appointment, now I find this rather silly, because wouldn't you want to prevent sickness as oppose to just wait for it to happen? but then again, with the old system they had hypochondriacs like me running in and out all the time, oh the horror, how many could there be in this one village, you know I think I'm the only one.. well, except for the senior citizens, it's difficult to tell with them though, cause there's always something wrong with them and they're treating the clinic waiting room like some sort of social club, but then again they get special treatment for being old, so they would be allowed in whether they were hypochondriacs or not.. sounds like I'm racist towards old people, doesn't it? maybe I am, I don't want to get old..

There's a new book out on real life vampires that I want to get. Check it out. It's called "Vampires today: the Truth about Modern Vampirism"

Oh, my dad's home. I have to go (coffee!!)

And Here's your good deed of the day.

Take Action.

Here's your good deed of the day.

Take Action.

Summer in Sweden

I went with my family to our little island (that sounds really luxurious.. it's nothing grand or anything, it's a small island outside the coast that my grandparents got fairly cheap back in the day and it's got a little red cottage and that's about it, very swedish indeed..) and I just got back from a swim in the ocaen (to west-coast people ours is not "technically" an ocean since it's a mix of salt and sweet water or something, but whatever. it's the body of water between Sweden and Finland and it's not a lake or a river..) and now I'm sitting outside, borrowing my brother's laptop quickly and we're just about to kill each other, i.e. play a board game. Today feels like summer. I cut my hair again (or rather I cut some of it and then bullied my mum into cutting the back of the neck.. you can see my tattoo now!)

Future Brain Storms

I just sent the director an email telling him off. It felt good.

On another positive note, the other day I was trying to convince my dad to read this book that used to be my favourite for the longest time as a kid, "Tordyveln flyger i skymningen" by Maria Gripe (I don't think it's been translated to english, but I'm not sure. I know my second favourite of hers has, it's called "Agnes Cecilia" and can be found in the kids' section at the Vancouver Public Library for those of you in Van...) and as we were talking my mum jumped in and started reminiscing with me about the story (we read it together the first time) and then she said, "I wonder why no-one's made a movie about that one" (they did about "Agnes Cecilia"...) and so when we got home I went online and did some research, maybe there had been a movie but we just hadn't come across (not very likely, and as it turned out, not the case...), maybe the person who owned the rights to Maria Gripe's books wouldn't let anyone make it, maybe no-one understood what a great story this was and what a great movie it would be...

And in my research I discovered that the book was in fact based on a radio play that Maria Gripe had written a couple of years previous to the book and her co-writer was Kay Pollak! So then of course the question naturally evolved from "Why hasn't anyone..." to "Why hasn't Kay Pollak..." and I couldn't for the life of my figure out a the answer, and then I realized, that's not so surprising, seeing as I'm not Kay Pollak...

So I emailed him.

Today he replies, very polite, thanking me for my email and saying how happy it made him to hear I enjoyed the book so, informing me that the radio play will be released on CD after the summer if I wanted to listen to it and then he said, lots of people have wanted to adapt this book into a movie but no-one actually made it that far...

That's all he said. Now, I'm sitting here, thinking... is this a sign? Because I could make a hell of a movie if I got the rights to that story and the resources I would need for the production... maybe an idea for a future projects when I have a couple of independent films on my CV and ca apply for funding from the Swedish Film Institute?

Don't expect any favours in life.

So I just finished the script for this director guy I've been in contact with. And just as I was about to send him an email and let him know the script was done and to request to have his mailing address so that I could send it to him (since he didn't want it emailed because he was so paranoid as to think someone would hack into his inbox and steal the idea) only to discover that he beat me to it and emailed me. I thought it was a funny coincidence, he's probably just emailing to check up on me and the progress of the writing process, I thought. Well, the fun doesn't end there...

His email said that it was great brainstorming about the script with me, and he wanted to let me know about the recent developments in the production plans with dates and so on, and if I still wanted my name on the credit as someone who helped work on the script, I needed to send it to him, if I was still interested. Also, he'd found two nice girls for the roles, in other words he's replaced me, even though he offered me the role from day one and we had an agreement, which is why I agreed to help him work the script in the first place. He said that I could be his AD if I wanted, if not good luck in the future and with school.

So, let's recap... he quote un-quote fell in love with me and said I was perfect for the role because I was beautiful and had gorgeous eyes and blah blah blah, and then I started critiquing the script and he turned into a lemon for about a minute and then when I started making suggestions for changes he realized that I actually knew what I was talking about and jumped at the opportunity to have a co-writer on board, gushing about credits and future collaborations and even went as far as to offer me a job in his production company... then, after I've put all of my own projects on hold for a couple of weeks to soley work on his script and rewrite it for him as soon as possible so that he could apply for funding and whatnot, he's been busy breaking our agreement and replacing me behind my back with not so much as an apology for the fact, let along an explanation!

You know I am sick and tired of being used, and even though I never trusted this whole thing for a minute because I know from experience that things never get handed to you and unless you work your butt for something you should not expect to get a thing, I just hoped for a while that maybe, just maybe I would be so lucky as to have something going for me... that I could actually get somewhere on my own over here, but you know, the only way to get anywhere in life is trustworthy friends you can depend on and hard work and persistance. I have persistance, when I really want something I can work hard even though I don't do it as much as I should, and the friends I trust and depend on I've left behind in Vancouver, which means from now on I am completely on my on and a lot of very hard work lies ahead... I know now that this program that I've been accepted to was meant to be in my path, that I am supposed to soak up as much experience and learning as I can in a year and make as many connections as possible, because I am not going to get discovered, because life is not a stupid fairy tale and I am going to have to make my own destiny and fortune.

And that's what I am going to do.

Fucker. He can stick this (much better, less stereotypical and sexist) second draft of his (before I started working on it) ridiculously awful script where the sun doesn't shine. Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.

That's all for me.

The improbability of deities.

I've been thinking about life and death and the alleged immortal soul today. I've always bounced between really spiritual and atheist like between two walls, and I suppose hovered in mid-air between the two (I guess that makes me agnostic..) But today I'm leaning toward atheist, not in the we'll all be worm food in the end sort of way, but more like I've been thinking about these concepts in a more rational way. Today. This might change tomorrow.

But I just got to thinking, the whole idea that our consciousness goes on after we've died, i.e. our "souls" keep a conscious and functioning state of mind, and thinks and feels and remembers and whatnot, the whole idea of reconciling with your loved ones in some sort of paradise as a reward after the turmoil of life a good seventy-or-so years which is a considerable amount of Time in relation to Eternity, of course. I mean it doesn't make much sense, does it? First of all, the soul. This is, I believe, the term we've invented for that part of the energy that our bodies are made up of that isn't the actual organic shell that decomposes and turns into fertilizer one way or the other, those notorious 21 grams that leaves the body. Let's say those 21 grams are the immortal soul, let's say that is 21 grams of converted energy that leaves the body as it switches off and goes to join the rest, I'm thinking of the world as one big energy field, that makes up the entire Universe, and that's what the afterlife is, becoming one with your maker, i.e. that fundamental source of energy, the starting point and end point, the core, because energy cannot be destroyed, only converted, right?

So that is a form of eternal life, sure. But consciousness and God and Heaven and Hell, those are all man-made concepts and they're not very logical when you think about it, considering we're all part of the same substance, the same energy, and whose to say our thoughts and feelings aren't just the bi-products of different chemical reactions or energetic collisions or something? (I know nothing of science, so I'm just going to leave this here.)

Because our conscious minds, our thoughts, are products of our brains, I don't know exactly how it works, but it's brain activity, electric charges or something, I'll have to look into it, but suffice it to say, and I think we can all agree to this, the brain is what creates our thoughts, right, and when we die, our brains shut off, they stop working, they start to decompose. So how can our immortal soul float to the next life carrying the memories, or characteristics or way of thinking of the previously inhabited body?

So can there be ghosts?

See, this is where we go from me merely brooding and me having a crisis of faith... because I've always believed in ghosts. I've seen and heard and felt ghosts. I've talked to ghosts. Don't I feel like an idiot...

And the whole idea of a loved one that's passed on is still watching over you like some divine second shadow or a guardian angel, it's a very comforting notion, but makes just as little sense as anything else we people believe regardless of our religion's details of the particular thing... but I guess that's the point. Comfort. Isn't that the whole idea of religion anyways? That, and power. Because apparently it's not enough to know that we'll no longer have to worry about this and that and make tough choices and suffer the consequences because we'll forever be one with each other and the Universe. No, it's not enough. Because each one of us want to believe we're special, unique little snowflakes. That we have a complex, one-of-a-kind personality. That we're individuals and in control of our own lives. Because the idea of being controlled by someone else terrifies us (even though that's the whole idea of believing in a God in the first place, to have someone all knowing watching over us and taking care of us so that heavy responsibility is not on our own shoulders -- but at the same time we want that get-out-of-jail free card, even though it's meaningless, just to fool ourselves that we do actually have a say in our own fate, in case we shouldn't like what the Great Divine is cooking up, we can pull out of Free Card and say "No, No, I'm not liking this, I'm going to have to decline on this one..." or something, hence the invention of Free Will -- the human spirit is so contradicting..)

It's like we want our lives to mean more than they do. But isn't it enough to have lived one. To have experienced things in a completely unique way. To have learned certain things. To have felt all sorts of pains and pleasures. To have passed on not just your genes but your wisdoms and love to another person, and if you don't have children, you've passed on something else to someone else that you have met in your life, be it for good or bad. Isn't that enough? Do we have to know that there is a particular cloud with our name on it the minute our hearts stop, figuratively speaking of course.

Maybe there is nothing super about the supernatural, maybe science still has discoveries to make. Maybe the concept of sin is doing anything that sends out negative energy into cosmos and prayer or good deeds or meditation is sending out positive to balance the negative. Maybe Heaven or Paradise or Nirvana is becoming one with the energy that All is made of and Hell is becoming one with a negative part of it. Maybe there's no real mystery to life and all we have to do is learn to take it for what it is...


I want to believe in ghosts in magick though!

Magpie Mentality

I got in, first of all. Those of you who actually somewhat follow this blog probably knows this already, but I thought I'd document this happy occasion anyway. So the 17th of August I'll be a student of the Dramatic Institute and argue about cinematic symbolism and word choices in dialogue with like-minded yet again. I can't wait!

So I move on the 1st of July. I haven't even started packing yet and I get nightmares just thinking about it. All my stuff and my clothes and I'm supposed to take as little with me as possible, and of course that is an actual impossibility in the world of Ida. I have the hunter-gatherer mentality of a magpie, doesn't matter if I should end up on the street with the living area of 1m2 inside a cardboard box, I'd still fill it up with garbage within hours. I can't help it. I need to keep things. Collect things. The first thing I see to when I move to a new place to start over is the location of the nearest library and securing a library card... and yet, I need to own the books I like, I need to have them, all the time, and not have to ever give them back, even if I never end up reading them again, I need them to be mine -- I'm Gollum with books! -- And movies! Speaking of which.. There was a big sale on this swedish movie site and I got these DVDs for barely anything and one of them was Suicide Kings, which is a classic, with both Christopher Walken, Denis Leary and my new obsession Jeremy Sisto, not to mention a whole lot of homoerotic subtext which is always fun. I also that Daniel Craig movie that caused a bit of an uproar in the UK, The Mother, where he falls in love with his girlfriend's mum or something, I haven't seen it yet, but I bet it's going to be great and I got it for 10 SEK (that's like less than a dollar!)

Anyways.. I'm supposed to re-write this script, right. The one for the feature I'm probably doing, and I've been putting it off for over a week now, and I really need to get to it, but I just don't want to!

So I'm procrastinating.

So I'm procrastinating. I have plenty of things I should be doing. Like packing since I'm moving in less than a month. Re-write this stupid script. Re-write my novel. Work on my website. Or anything, really.

A Conversation

A - So how was the meeting? Obviously he wasn't a serial killer.
B - Obviously.
A- Well?
B - I don't know. It was alright, I guess.. I didn't like the script.
A - No?
B - I started suggesting changes to it though and he was receptive, so now I'm a co-writer...
A - That's great! Right?
B - Yeah..
A - Oh, come on. What?
B - It's just.. he keeps saying these things, about Sweden and Europe, that we've killed men's masculinity and they don't know how to treat their women and stuff.. and that's what he wants to show with his film, he wants to show us a better way of life and how to preserve the gender roles in society.
A - Oh, so it's to equal here.
B - Yeah.
A - And you couldn't hold your tongue and got into an argument?
B - No, actually. I did hold my tongue. I need the job. I'm just worried I sold out or something.
A - Everyone's a sell-out essentially, don't worry about it.
B - But.. he said that when he's out on the town or in a bar or something, and he sees all these beautiful women that he just wants to "eat up"..
A - Fucking hell..
B - I know. He says he showers them with compliments and tells them how beautiful they are and he treats them right and everything. Whereas Swedish guys don't. They're cool. They barely look at "their women" and they keep their distance and stuff.
A - Yeah?
B - Which is true.
A - Yeah.
B - And all I could thin about was, "that's what I like about Swedish guys".
A - Yeah.
B - hate it when guys pester you like that and spew cheesy come-ons all over you and won't leave you alone. Those Swedish guys he was talking about might have problems opening up and communicating and sharing their feelings and whatever, but at least they give you some space and they have some sort of respect for your personal space and boundaries and it's a bit more equal, you know? You can go out and hang out with people regardless of their gender and it's relaxed and fun, and then if there's something there you might start something and that's when the sharing and caring might become an issue but until then I don't want every guy I run into walking down the street to pour his heart and soul on top of me, that's scary you know?
A - It's a cultural difference.
B - I know. So I was thinking.. does this mean I'm racist?
A - Haha, no I don't think so.
B - I mean, I don't think all Swedish guys are like that and I don't think all, I don't know, French guys are a certain way, he's the one who said all Swedish guys are a certain way and the way he described I just found preferable to the way he is.
A - Right. So you're not racist then. What are you worried about?
B - I don't know.. maybe I am, deep down, but I'm just covering up and coming up with logical explanations for myself or something.
A - Well, I'm telling you not to worry. You're not racist.. you equally prejudice to everyone regardless of their ethnicity.
B - Wow, thanks, that makes me feel a whole lot better!
A - What, it's true! You don't trust anyone, and it has nothing to do with their colour or culture in my experience.
B - I trust some people.
A - You trust your friends. Some of them. And only after they've gained your trust, which statistically takes a year or two..
B - Whatever.
A - And..
B - Whatever, I don't want to talk about it anymore.
A - And, curiously enough, gaining your trust is oddly synonymous to proving they're not sexually attracted to you.
B - ...
A - Just thought I'd make that observation. You might want to take it up with you psychiatrist.
B - I don't have a psychiatrist!
A - ...
B - What?
A - I didn't say anything!
B - You were thinking about saying something.
A - No.
B - You think I should see a shrink.
A - No, actually, I don't. I was just teasing you. I think psychiatrists are a dying breed.
B - How so?
A - Well, unless you have a severe mental illness like schizophrenia, or you're a sociopath, or have serious OCD or something, I don't think there's anything a psychiatrist could find to analyse that you haven't analysed yourself already. I mean, we're the over-analytical generation. It's "Find yourself" and "Interpret your day dreams" and I don't know what all left right and centre all the time, right? I think we've delved so deep into ourselves we're all disconnected from the world around us including each other and what we really need is to stop being so self-absorbed and actually connect with one another, or else we'll risk becoming Narcissistic hypochondriacs all of us.
B - You think I'm Narcissistic?
A - God help us all, no, but thank you for proving my point. Stop worrying about what you are and what you're not and focus on the world around you instead.
B - I'm aware of the world.
A - Oh what, because you found yourself opposed to this filmmaker's opinion on homosexuals adopting?
B - Amongst other things.
A - Well, you're not gay.
B - Says you.
A - You don't want to adopt any children in the near future.
B - No, but-
A - So why do you care?
B - I care because I am not altogether self-absorbed, because I'm solidaric towards other people, because I'm involved in all sorts of problems even when they don't directly pertain to me personally-
A - Great, but that's just my point though, you're not. You don't get involved in anything, whether it pertains to you or not, all you do is whine to me about it, fat lot of good that will do to the cause. I think you should take amoment from your little pity fest and sit down and think about what issues you are honestly passionate about and then go do something about it, you self-centered troll!
B - That's a bit harsch..
A - When was the last time you got involved? In anything? Me time and self reflection doesn't count.
B - I've been involved in a lot of causes in the past, you know I have, but I just don't have the energy anymore to-
A - Steer away from the self-pity, please.
B - I don't pity myself.
A - Of course you do, that's all you do. You light up a cigarette and hope for lung cancer because then you're dying and then you have every excuse to make everything about you and you don't have to care about anything or anyone but yourself and maybe even take up an even heavier addiction because you know life is just so unfair, to you, not anyone else. To everyone else life is just peachy.
B - That's mean. And how can you take my serious discussion about racism and turn it into an anti-smoking ad? How is that even possible, how?
A - It's just an example. And I'm not saying go out there and bring peace to the world. But you can start by engaging with another human being. Why does it have to be black or white with you, it's either save a kitten from a burning building or stay in bed and do fuck-all all day. If it's not ground-breaking there's no point.
B - Well.
A - But why? You're alive and breathing, albeit smoke, but you're breathing, and yet you're not living. You come up with every excuse imaginable so you won't have to, I don't get it. What do you think you'll learn from shutting yourself up inside your own head? If it's not already in there, you're not going to find it. You're just going to walk in circles until you die. What a great life. Hope they make a movie about it. That'll be Blockbuster.
B - I am not that self-involved.
A - What has this conversation been about? What has been the point of it?
B - You're making it about me, I was trying to discuss racism.
A - No you weren't. You were trying to prove to yourself that you're not a racist. There's a difference. Listen, you have to make choices in life. And you have to live. And then you have to die. Those are the three rules, and you can't escape them, so stop trying.
B - Oh what do you know.
A - That's a good point. Maybe if you were to have this conversation with another person instead of the voice in your head you'd get a different answer...
B - Yeah.
A - It's called a fork in the road, you just have to pick a direction, there's no right or wrong, as long as you keep going forward, you just can't stay still then you're just...
B - Neutral?
A - What's another word for neutral.
B - Blank.
A - Coward.
B - Well, that's my cultural inheritence, isn't it.
A - You know, your Swedish passport is not really a Get Out Of Jail Freecard, right?
B - Yeah I know...

KRYCEK LIVES

The recent so-called X-files movie, "The truth is out there", excluded... The X-files is, has always been and will always be my all time favourite television series. I grew up watching it. Every Thursday night (later on it got moved to Friday) we had our family's "Cozy night" (a swedish phenomenon, which is basically an excuse to indulge in the watching of TV and/or movies and the stuffing of faces with crisps, sweets, soda, good and fattening food, etc... and in some cases get wasted...) FBI agent Fox Mulder was my first childhood crush. Triple agent Alex Krycek my second. The show's mythology and universe has been one of my major "obsessions", but to make a long nostalgic tale short and get to the point... As much as I like the episodes towards the end, the growing expectations as the end neared, the calm before the storm that was the War between the alien races and the humans (I refuse to acknowledge the existence of "The truth is out there"!)

But when Skinner shot Krycek square in the forehead... the world sort of stopped... and The X files kept going like nothing had happened, Mulder kept going, Scully kept going, the war was still approaching, the super soldiers were still after William, the world was more dangerous than ever and the truth even more so... lots of good episodes followed and then the show ended. And I felt kind of empty. Like I'd missed something. Krycek had been such an important part of the X Files journey for me, and for Mulder might I add, that to have him die just like that and with no further ado at all or even a silent minute to mark the occasion afterwards, felt kind of anti-climatic...

Being a fan fiction reader and writer, the story of these characters doesn't end because the official story does... if you are unfamiliar with the concept of fan fiction just google it, and you'll find a whole new world out there... careful though, it can become addictive. But for us Krycek fans, there's really only so much you can wringe out of a ghost and a couple of flash backs and for me, at least, that particular fandom kind of faded into the night, just like Krycek's character in the show, and was forgotten...

Then the other day, out of nowhere, an old Mulder/Krycek mailing list I'd suscribed to years ago started popping up in my email inbox again and one fan had this article to share with the rest of us.

Meaning that, even if the makers of The X-files have said good bye to Nicholas Lea and his character Alex Krycek... at least we don't have to just yet! A world of endless possibilities has sprouted, Krycek could have survived the shot, he could be alive, hidden, in exile, back to helping Mulder anonymously in his crusade as war toes the threshold of their existence! (you can tell Real Life is too much for me right now, I'm beginning to soak up alternate universes again... last night I was reading Harry Potter -- something else that isn't the same since the last chapter, or last book in this case, especially the epilogue... I'm in denial about that as well.)