A Conversation

A - So how was the meeting? Obviously he wasn't a serial killer.
B - Obviously.
A- Well?
B - I don't know. It was alright, I guess.. I didn't like the script.
A - No?
B - I started suggesting changes to it though and he was receptive, so now I'm a co-writer...
A - That's great! Right?
B - Yeah..
A - Oh, come on. What?
B - It's just.. he keeps saying these things, about Sweden and Europe, that we've killed men's masculinity and they don't know how to treat their women and stuff.. and that's what he wants to show with his film, he wants to show us a better way of life and how to preserve the gender roles in society.
A - Oh, so it's to equal here.
B - Yeah.
A - And you couldn't hold your tongue and got into an argument?
B - No, actually. I did hold my tongue. I need the job. I'm just worried I sold out or something.
A - Everyone's a sell-out essentially, don't worry about it.
B - But.. he said that when he's out on the town or in a bar or something, and he sees all these beautiful women that he just wants to "eat up"..
A - Fucking hell..
B - I know. He says he showers them with compliments and tells them how beautiful they are and he treats them right and everything. Whereas Swedish guys don't. They're cool. They barely look at "their women" and they keep their distance and stuff.
A - Yeah?
B - Which is true.
A - Yeah.
B - And all I could thin about was, "that's what I like about Swedish guys".
A - Yeah.
B - hate it when guys pester you like that and spew cheesy come-ons all over you and won't leave you alone. Those Swedish guys he was talking about might have problems opening up and communicating and sharing their feelings and whatever, but at least they give you some space and they have some sort of respect for your personal space and boundaries and it's a bit more equal, you know? You can go out and hang out with people regardless of their gender and it's relaxed and fun, and then if there's something there you might start something and that's when the sharing and caring might become an issue but until then I don't want every guy I run into walking down the street to pour his heart and soul on top of me, that's scary you know?
A - It's a cultural difference.
B - I know. So I was thinking.. does this mean I'm racist?
A - Haha, no I don't think so.
B - I mean, I don't think all Swedish guys are like that and I don't think all, I don't know, French guys are a certain way, he's the one who said all Swedish guys are a certain way and the way he described I just found preferable to the way he is.
A - Right. So you're not racist then. What are you worried about?
B - I don't know.. maybe I am, deep down, but I'm just covering up and coming up with logical explanations for myself or something.
A - Well, I'm telling you not to worry. You're not racist.. you equally prejudice to everyone regardless of their ethnicity.
B - Wow, thanks, that makes me feel a whole lot better!
A - What, it's true! You don't trust anyone, and it has nothing to do with their colour or culture in my experience.
B - I trust some people.
A - You trust your friends. Some of them. And only after they've gained your trust, which statistically takes a year or two..
B - Whatever.
A - And..
B - Whatever, I don't want to talk about it anymore.
A - And, curiously enough, gaining your trust is oddly synonymous to proving they're not sexually attracted to you.
B - ...
A - Just thought I'd make that observation. You might want to take it up with you psychiatrist.
B - I don't have a psychiatrist!
A - ...
B - What?
A - I didn't say anything!
B - You were thinking about saying something.
A - No.
B - You think I should see a shrink.
A - No, actually, I don't. I was just teasing you. I think psychiatrists are a dying breed.
B - How so?
A - Well, unless you have a severe mental illness like schizophrenia, or you're a sociopath, or have serious OCD or something, I don't think there's anything a psychiatrist could find to analyse that you haven't analysed yourself already. I mean, we're the over-analytical generation. It's "Find yourself" and "Interpret your day dreams" and I don't know what all left right and centre all the time, right? I think we've delved so deep into ourselves we're all disconnected from the world around us including each other and what we really need is to stop being so self-absorbed and actually connect with one another, or else we'll risk becoming Narcissistic hypochondriacs all of us.
B - You think I'm Narcissistic?
A - God help us all, no, but thank you for proving my point. Stop worrying about what you are and what you're not and focus on the world around you instead.
B - I'm aware of the world.
A - Oh what, because you found yourself opposed to this filmmaker's opinion on homosexuals adopting?
B - Amongst other things.
A - Well, you're not gay.
B - Says you.
A - You don't want to adopt any children in the near future.
B - No, but-
A - So why do you care?
B - I care because I am not altogether self-absorbed, because I'm solidaric towards other people, because I'm involved in all sorts of problems even when they don't directly pertain to me personally-
A - Great, but that's just my point though, you're not. You don't get involved in anything, whether it pertains to you or not, all you do is whine to me about it, fat lot of good that will do to the cause. I think you should take amoment from your little pity fest and sit down and think about what issues you are honestly passionate about and then go do something about it, you self-centered troll!
B - That's a bit harsch..
A - When was the last time you got involved? In anything? Me time and self reflection doesn't count.
B - I've been involved in a lot of causes in the past, you know I have, but I just don't have the energy anymore to-
A - Steer away from the self-pity, please.
B - I don't pity myself.
A - Of course you do, that's all you do. You light up a cigarette and hope for lung cancer because then you're dying and then you have every excuse to make everything about you and you don't have to care about anything or anyone but yourself and maybe even take up an even heavier addiction because you know life is just so unfair, to you, not anyone else. To everyone else life is just peachy.
B - That's mean. And how can you take my serious discussion about racism and turn it into an anti-smoking ad? How is that even possible, how?
A - It's just an example. And I'm not saying go out there and bring peace to the world. But you can start by engaging with another human being. Why does it have to be black or white with you, it's either save a kitten from a burning building or stay in bed and do fuck-all all day. If it's not ground-breaking there's no point.
B - Well.
A - But why? You're alive and breathing, albeit smoke, but you're breathing, and yet you're not living. You come up with every excuse imaginable so you won't have to, I don't get it. What do you think you'll learn from shutting yourself up inside your own head? If it's not already in there, you're not going to find it. You're just going to walk in circles until you die. What a great life. Hope they make a movie about it. That'll be Blockbuster.
B - I am not that self-involved.
A - What has this conversation been about? What has been the point of it?
B - You're making it about me, I was trying to discuss racism.
A - No you weren't. You were trying to prove to yourself that you're not a racist. There's a difference. Listen, you have to make choices in life. And you have to live. And then you have to die. Those are the three rules, and you can't escape them, so stop trying.
B - Oh what do you know.
A - That's a good point. Maybe if you were to have this conversation with another person instead of the voice in your head you'd get a different answer...
B - Yeah.
A - It's called a fork in the road, you just have to pick a direction, there's no right or wrong, as long as you keep going forward, you just can't stay still then you're just...
B - Neutral?
A - What's another word for neutral.
B - Blank.
A - Coward.
B - Well, that's my cultural inheritence, isn't it.
A - You know, your Swedish passport is not really a Get Out Of Jail Freecard, right?
B - Yeah I know...