So I got tumblr.

After much brain washing from DeathShrike (not really, he mentioned it a couple of times) I got around to getting myself a tumblr account, but I'm still going to keep this blog since I've had it for so long, and it's got all my old journal entries. But I might not update it for a while (or at all, who knows) So if you want to keep reading about my boring existence, you might want to update your bookmarks... http://idathomasdotter.tumblr.com/ would be the new address, then. Hope to see you there. (Don't you just love that word: tumblr... well, tumbler, would be the word, but isn't that cutely (?) spelled as well... Okay, I was sarcastic on the last one but not on the first one, I actually do like that word.)

Feverish thoughts

I've had another long chat tonight, and we dug a little deeper still I felt, and I'm quite overwhelmed right now, mentally and energetically, I feel feverish, like I do sometimes when my energy is on overdrive or whatever it is. I''ve also had plenty of food for thought on an intelllectual and spiritual level. Perhaps I'm not an atheist, after all, but still an agnostic. The desire to believe is so strong in me that I can physically feel it in my skin and pulse. (It Mulder and I...)

New chapter: writing in Sunne

I got on a train and ventured into the great unknown of Sunne in the middle of nowhere Värmland in Sweden to meet up with my new class on Thursday. As usual when starting something new and meeting a new group of people, I hated it immediately, started to doubt the whole idea and just wanted out. There was one person that I had a positive inkling about at first "sight" but other than that I was overwhelmed by the oh-so-familiar sense of not belonging, and spent most of my energy on staying afloat. And so I met up with my class on the second morning, way too early, feeling low, anti and decaffeinated, but when we reached the destination of the day, everything changed. We spent the day even further away from civilisation (close to what I'm used to, woods and fields and water and a couple of barns) in the most inspiring and beautiful place imaginable; the place is called Alma Löv museum, it was started by our course leader Sara Broos' parents in the 70's, and her dad told us the whole story as a very entertaining and inspiring fairy tale almost, and that, combined with her mother's amazing paintings and the coffee, were worth the trip, not just to the museum, but to Sunne (which was hell, by the way, with all the shit I packed, as usual) and then we got to wander around and look at the pavilions that were spread out across the plot, that each of them were a work of art by a different artist, some had installations, some were filled with drawings, or sculptures, and they were all unique and genuine and inspiring. Then we had an intense workshop with actors Amanda Ooms and Peter Eriksson, who performed our texts, and that was amazing too.

It got a little easier throughout the day and evening to spend time with certain people in the group and talk to them, which made the experience of being in a group a lot easier to handle for me, even though I'm feeling strong rejection and negative energy coming off a few people, it balanced out a little more and now I don't feel quite as isolated and alien as I did yesterday. The inkling I had about that one person proved right as well, today I felt we connected on a deeper level, not just energy-wise, but intellectually, we had a long chat that revealed we have a lot of things in common and are very alike--who knows what, or if, it'll lead to anything beyond that, but it's still nice when something like that happens, it's like being lost in a foreign country and all of the sudden you hear a voice somewhere in the crowd that's speaking your language--and I've warmed up to a couple of other people in the group as well, in a more light-hearted way.

Tomorrow we get to pitch an idea to a producer, just for fun, and fun is not the word I would have used, but I'm going to wing it and see what happens--I'm so out of my league in this place, and this group, everyone else are like working professionals in the business already, it seems, and I'm the only one with no real experience or anything, but--I'm hoping for some good feedback and inspiration from listening to the others, before we do the real thing at the Gothenburg film festival .

(also, I have a crush on a "teacher" again)