Talk of things unreal and real.

Spent the day with Anja at Filmbasen. She watched the rough cut of "Varma Mackor" and gave me feedback, we talked about everything as always, including future plans. Briefly, we touched on the the idea of starting a production company together, but she had to go to work and we didn't really have time to get into it, just threw it out there as a possibility. 

I've been listening to Bonnie Tyler and Kim Carnes. Weird, I know. 

Today was also the official first day of my idiotic diet, that I've decided on, for losing a whole bunch of weight, that I probably can't spare, for the role in Tove's film. Anja got pretty upset with me when I told her, but eventually backed down (probably for strategic reasons since she, herself, dropped a diet bomb on me when she told me she's going to start eating fish again, and realised that she couldn't expect me not to get upset with that if she was upset with mine) 

Other than that I feel (generally anxious and) like time's slipping out of reach. I don't know when I'll be able to finish "Varma Mackor". The paying type of work is getting in the way and is not only time-consuming but steals my energy and inspiration as well. I started working on the second draft of the screenplay for my next film this morning before it was time for me to go meet up with Anja, but I can't really focus, and I have all this other shit muddling my mind right now, all my own fault of course, since it's all, entirely, one big figment of my imagination. Told Anja about that, too. Knew I could, because I knew she'd get it, and she did. What's so frustrating, though, is that no matter how unreal the situation is, and no matter how perfectly aware of that I am, the feelings generated from it are completely real, because there's no such thing as imagined feelings, feelings aren't either real or unreal, they are what they are, they're as real as they can ever be while you have them and when they go away they're not there anymore, it's basic, crude, nerve reactions or whatever, like electrical sparks in the brain or something, no more, no less, but has more of an impact on you than any other thing, it's fascinating really, when you think about it. Terms like "real" becomes insufficient when you're talking about feelings, and I think that's why I like paying attention to them more than logic and reason most of the time, because I've always felt "real", as a concept to relate to, was rather muddled and confusing, so I get feelings, because they're not this rigid thing, they're just exactly what they happen to be at any given moment, and that I can relate to. 

Anyway. That's a tangent.

I'm going to give writing another go now. Back to earning money tomorrow, so I should make the most of tonight on the creativity front.  

"I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit.

"No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it. It's just that something happened to it along the way."

Besides making a production-related phone call and scheduling that casting gig, I spent most of the day reading slash fic and getting absolutely nothing done. It felt kind of nice, for once. Usually that will send me guilt-tripping into a full on anxiety attack, but today for some reason I felt completely Zen, like Winnie the Pooh with a tummy full of honey, content with just being.

Then in the afternoon I dragged myself to the tube and went a few stations to Skärholmen to do some light grocery shopping, not because I had to do my shopping there and couldn't do it closer to home, but because I needed the trip. I even walked to the tube instead of taking the bus, just to get some movement in. On the way home too, even with the grocery bags, I walked. Good thing too, because a few ideas dropped by for a visit and I rewrote two scenes on my next short film screenplay. Thought I'd make it official now and actually rewrite them in the actual screenplay as well, as opposed to the changes just being in my head.

Today I had sunshine in the palms of my hands.

So I went into town to meet up with Anja before our appointment with this actor. She was just as nervous as I was, possibly even more so. But the meeting went swimmingly. The guy turned out to be, not only great, interesting and sensible, but a truly genuine person as well (which is the most important quality in my book, since I seem to be surrounded largely by people who are anything but...) Mine and Anja's intuition about this actor is looking more and more spot on, just sitting there talking to the guy, just drinking in his energy and general way, I'd almost say I had the actual character from my script in front of me. And knowing that he's a really talented and charismatic yet subtle actor as well, from seeing his performance in the wonderful mini-series "De halvt dolda", it's just perfect casting and I am so happy right now!

Oh, and he seemed really pleased with the information he recieved from us as well and had some really interesting thoughts and ideas about the script, which he really liked on top of everything, and when we got to discussing work method I found out that we're completely on the same page when it comes to acting and process work, being more interested in exploring the character and the scene and the character's relationship with other characters and just be present in the now and open to impulses (and basically everything I learned from the amazing Stephen Park and keep learning again and again through my own experiences since VFS) rather than focusing on Stanislavskis earlier methods (that he later revised because he himself realised that it wasn't the best method) which is what most acting schools and courses seem to teach, where you basically reach back in your memory and use experiences from your own life to re-create a certain emotion, instead of just being present in the moment, with your co-actor, reacting to the given circumstances and exploring the scene. And this actor, Henrik, was all on board with that, and the way he talked about it, when I asked him how he preferred to work usually, he basically voiced all of my own opinions and preferences, both as an actor and as a director. So I'm really looking forward to working with him now! Hopefully he and the girl who'll probably play the main characters (his little sister in the film) will connect and have some real, interesting chemistry between them... if they do, then I have half my work done already, and the result will most likely be amazing too...

Anja and I walked around for a bit after we'd said goodbye to Henrik, all giddy from how well the meeting went, and ended up (as we always seem to) having some firey discussions about everything, but mostly about film, especially the films we want to make, how women are portrayed in film that get made and the kind of scripts we write and our (quite similar) writing style that not many people seem to get. It's really funny, because I just mentioned one example of a detail from my screenplay, a thing that my main character does, and I didn't even have time to explain why I thought it was important -- she got it instantly! -- and that's why I love her. And that's why I'm re-writing my screenplay again, I'm still getting rid of the pretentious choice of phrases that I sometimes use, but I'm keeping my details. And that's that.

Busy bee, busy bee, busy beeezzZZ

I'm back home visiting my parents now. So far, so good. Although my diet is already suffering.. Other new developments, that would be of some kind of interest to you (even though I'm sure that my diet will now be the topic of your conversations for days to come...)

On my way here, as I was waiting for the train actually, I got an email from the producer I did my internship with last term, asking me if I'd be willing to translate the dialogue of one of her films into English for the subtitles for when she sends it to festivals, and I'll get paid for it and everything! Yay for paid work!

I finished the synopsis and Director's vision and my film CV, for the pre-production package for the short film, now all I have left to do is the mood board (saving the most difficult to last) and then we're all set to apply for funding and whatnot, so film people, ideas and moral support for the mood board-making, please...

What else... went with my mum to this theme day at CFL yesterday, it was quite interesting. Lectures/discussions about Vision work and Sustainable development, within the municipality of Söderhamn (my home town). I got some great creative inspiration and a film idea out of it, too.

Oh, and I got the room in the commune! So I'm no longer homeless-to-be! Which is a load off my mind and shoulders, now I can focus on my mood board and my assignment for school tomorrow -- I'm supposed to write for television in a group this and next week, my group just had their first brainstorming meeting, via crappy chat program on First Class, although we didn't do nearly enough brainstorming for my taste, it was more focus on agreeing on semantics about what the assignment actually was, and having not read the schedule or the assignment at all, I got rather restless, once we'd decided which idea we were going with, I wanted to start brainstorming for real, come up with ideas for sub-plotlines, key scenes, underlying themes, character developments and archs and relationships and all that stuff... but we decided that we're supposed to brainstorm on our own respectively (...) and chat again tomorrow morning -- I don't know when I'll have time to go to the neighbouring town Bollnäs and apply for a new passport at this rate, but I'll have to think of something...

Now, before I start brainstorming with myself... I'm going to give Anja a call and talk casting.

Slow

So I thought I'd be able to write a longer, more detailed blog entry while I was away, but of course the wireless connection at the inn was completely uncooperative, and now I'm back in Stockholm again. Actually, I'm at the library in Solna, just so I can get access to an internet connection.

The three days in Sunne were intense. It started on a dramatic note the night before, actually. Kajsa and I were driving down, or up, or sideways, whereever it is in relationship to Stockholm, my geography knowledge is just as bad as my sense of direction... because halfway there, the car went and died on us. Then it started up again, and after about ten minutes, it died again... and so it went, all the way to Sunne, which meant that instead of arriving at about ten o'clock at night, we got there at about midnight, or one o'clock in the morning, I'm not sure... needless to say we're exhausted and shaken up (it's quite scary when you're driving in a single lane on the highway in the middle of the night and your car breaks down and the only other traffic besides yourself are these huge trucks and lorries...) but we got to where we were going in one piece and that's all that matters.

The feedback discussions in my group were awesome, so inspiring. My script was up last, on the second day, and just like all the previous feedback and open discussions, I was overwhelmed by the extensive and rewarding feedback, also I was surprisingly struck by a revelation of my own, halfway through, that one of the characters in my screenplay is actually based on a real person from my past, and that was mind-boggling I can tell you... and that, as well as the revelation that I had just before writing this sixth draft about my main characters intimacy disorder, is the reason I'm experiencing the most amount of resistence to continuing this writing process that I have since I started. In fact, I haven't even so much as opened the document on my computer since then. Instead I started writing a play for this contest, deadline 15th of September.

I sent a text to the producer about meeting to talk about my short film, still haven't heard back from her. I guess it is Sunday, and she just finished shooting another short film and I only just sent the text this morning, but still. Things are happening too slowly, I feel like I need to explode all over the place, like everything around me is happening in slow motion and I have to try and reel myself in and force myself to go more slowly, and it's really frustrating. It's like being a kid again. Constantly being told to settle down, slow down, repeat myself more slowly, be still. I hate that.

Feeling proud and accomplished for the first time in MONTHS

I finally sat down and finished the fifth draft of my screenplay! :)

And how are you..

I've just realized that since my last neurotic hair-cutting, I now have almost exact same hairstyle and colour as I did when I cut off my hair halfway through sixth grade; can we say "full circle"?

Today, I'm writing a new synopsis to my screenplay, to sort through the chaos in my own mind, but also in order to send to my mentor-person-thingy and have her read it, to see if we're on the same page at all, because after her last feedback, I'm beginning to think we're talking about different stories and different characters. Also, I'm going to translate it into english so that Ana Maria can read it and give me some tips on how to pitch the story, since my attempt at the Gothenburg festival went South very quickly and she's actually great at pitching stories, I remember her telling me once.

But first, I'm writing it in Swedish. And later today, well tonight, really, I'm meeting up with Tove who's agreed to film my short, and we're going to sit down and discuss the cinematography and such. Fun, fun.

Because the night

I'm flying high on mania and Valerian root pills, listening to "Because the night" with Patti Smith, trying to sit still and write, can't though, I got feedback from my mentor thing person on the revised acts one and two just now, well a bit ago, and really, I'm pretty sure I'm not being sensitive here but it's up the walls, completely off the mark, or maybe I am reading it wrong I don't know, but from what I can tell we're not on the same page at all, and I really thought we were and now I'm really reluctant to the whole thing; plus I haven't even met this person and that doesn't feel very good at all; I've just been going through the screenplay (the one written down as well as the one in my head, as crazy as that sounds, I know) and jotted down little notes on each scene etc, to get an overview on the whole story, just to make sure that I'm at least on the same page as myself -- I am -- and she's missing a couple of really essential points, and a couple of other things she said makes sense but that's details, not important right now, and hey Patti Smith is definitely joining Tori Amos in the inspiration soundtrack, and System of a down as well.

I feel feverish, I need some fresh air or something, think I should open a window for aminute. The meeting with the producer and her director friend went great, well fine, it was relaxed and nice, and they seem genuinely interested, they're in the middle of that director's short though, shooting this weekend, so they told me to gather some inspiration pictures and music and stuff, and then we'll get in touch again next week. Spotify is really great, but I hate the commercial breaks -- and they're put on pause when you hit the mute button on your computer did you know that? That's ridiculous!

"Come on, come on..."

Okay. Breathe. Just take it one day at a time (thinking immediately of Sandra Bullock in "28 days" saying: "Like two or three days at a time is an option!") and focus, get stuff done, keep moving, forward, any forward motion counts. I need to finish this screenplay. I need to get this short film made. I need to work as much as humaly possible. And I need to find a way to afford to travel, to see my love, my best friend, and to move to the UK and start over again. How many times can a person start over anyway? I'm really like a cat. I've got nine lives.

Re-watching "Rescue me", translating my short film script into English so that Ana Maria can read it and give me her input. Anyone else wants to volunteer, give me a shout. But I warn you, the dialogue isn't very good, becuase I'm just translating it directly from Swedish, just to get the point across, I don't have time to translate the script properly right now.

It never ends

The theology student who owns this flat just phoned and woke me up to say that he won't be renewing my contract at the end of May after all, because he's decided to move back on the first of June instead of at the end of summer like he first told me. So now I have to find a new place to live as well.

If I had money, I'd pack my big backpack and head to the UK. But I'm broke on top of everything else. I'm going to see about that other temp agency for schools today, and then I'm going to swing by my brother's place and see if I can score some coffee (mine is running out at home)

Good news is that I'm only one sleepless night away from finishing the fifth draft of the script, I have the third act written out in notes (got that done when I worked for four hours yesterday) now I just have to sit down and type it up.

After work yesterday I met up with another freelance film-maker who is making a music video for this metal band and I'm going to be his FAD, it doesn't pay anything, but it's another cred at least.

Snow day

Okay, so Snow is back, with a vengeance. It started yesterday while I was at work, sitting in my little outside cubicle all by myself, dealing with the occasional "drive-through" customer, that got more and more scarce as the weather got steadily worse. Getting home was a nightmare, but I got here. This morning I wake up to Narnia... and realize getting to work will be a nightmare on the scale of Hellraiser (just watched Hellraiser part 6: Hellseeker for the first time - because: Dean Winters - and it's the only Hellraiser film I've seen, but it was hilarious)

I go onto the SL website to check the traffic, and yes... the commuter trains (I completely made that translation up) are all cancelled, the buses are all unreliable as well as unbelievably late and/or cancelled and the rest of the public transport system, with Tvärbanan (Crossway line) and the tube, is probably up the walls as well, I didn't check those because I take two buses and a train to get to work at this particular place, so I was already screwed.

But it's understandable, I mean, it's not like we ever get snow in Sweden, so of course the the public transit company are going to be unprepared for it... so, I had to call the temp agency and let them know I couldn't make it into work. Part of me is a little relieved, because I feel a cold or something coming on and I wasn't particularly looking forward to heading out in this storm, but at the same time I hate to give up my hours when I really need them and I'm really fit to work, it's just so annoying.

And now I have literally no excuse not to work in my fifth draft, do I...

Peter Pan and a Manic-Depressive Mermaid

One of the cafés that I went to in Gothenburg had this book case with a bunch of books that you could take for free, with labels for this website called bookcrossing.com and basically, you sign up a book there and then you give it away, and then every person who takes it to read will make a note of it at the website before passing it along and that way you can follow your books travels. I thought it was a lovely idea. I took a paper back of "Peter Pan" and read it yesterday at work, now I'm going to check out the website and see if there's a listing of places that hosts the books and if there's one in Stockholm where I can exchange the book for a different one. Maybe add my own.


Had another idea for a film on the train home last night. A romantic/family drama about a single mum who falls in love with a much younger woman who turns out to be bipolar (unmedicated) and it brings her and her daughter closer together in the end, told with a magical shimmer from being viewed through a child's perspective. I was thinking that the first time they see the young woman, they're at the beach, and the little girl gets it into her head that she's a mermaid (kind of like the kid in "The reflecting skin" who thinks the lonely widow is a vampire) and later when they get to know each other and bond, the young woman plays along with the idea, making up stories about her home in the sea, and in the end when she drowns herself, the little girl is convinced that she's just gone back home, and her mother lets her think that, but it's clear to the audience what's really happened. (Although there's definitely an element of questioning, who's right, the child's imagination or the adult's fear-riddled narrow view of the world) And that's the kind of thing that happens all throughout the story, and that's what I'd think make the young woman's ummedicated condition (bipolar disorder) interesting too, if it were perceived through a child's eyes, her extremes explained with child logic. So, what do you guys think of that idea?

Snow can wait, I've forgot my mittens

I've done nothing today. Barely got my morning pages out, curled up on the desk chair and read some random slash fic and let the hours spill away, made some tea, ate some rice and green lentils, realized the sun had set and lit my electric candles, answered a couple of ads on Filmcafe, sent a couple of scripts to another production company, made more tea; I should go for a walk, or shower; no, I should write. But I don't like to write because I should, I only ever want to write because I have to, and not from some outward pressure of expectations or deadlines, but from inside, from a pressure of words that need to get out. You can't force it, you can't wait for it, so what do you do.

Oh, I also checked out some youtube links that Kajsa shared with me, feeling the need to educate me in must-knows of musical genius from the 60s, 70s and 80s, and now I've discovered Patti Smith. I've also listened to Exene Cervenka and Lydia Lunch, but Exene I already knew from before through Viggo Mortensen, and Lydia I discovered today, but on my own. I think I might like her the best. But it's Tori Amos who's stuck in my head, the fragile notes of "Winter" playing on repeat, reminding me I should be writing up the fifth draft of my feature screenplay, but as always, I'm procrastinating, because I'm resistant, because I'm self-sabotage-ing, because I'm scared. I need to do yoga. But my room is too small.

Plans and dreams

So Anja is really excited about London now. Met up for coffee (although, surprisingly, I had tea for once.) and conversation again, inspiring and hopeful as always, and she'd mulled over my ideas about moving to London since the last time I saw her and it's grown on her, now she's really set on it. I love when that happens.

Sometimes, I get an idea in my head and I go overboard with my enthusiasm and it can sort of scare people off of the whole thing.

Like one night in Ana Maria's place in Kitsilano, when she still lived with Luis, and I was still together with Brett and we were both there, hanging out... Brett and I were on the balcony smoking, but we were allowed to leave the door open because it was summer and we were in the middle of a conversation. And Ana Maria and Luis, well one of them, I don't remember who thought of it first, but they started telling us about this place where you could skydive and it was fairly cheap, and they threw it out there "we should do that sometime, all four of us" -- and I've always wanted to skydive, and I was sold, sold, on the idea, I got excited and all hyper-y, and started planning it out, wanting to go that same weekend, and wanted to know if they were able to get away then or did they have work -- I didn't get why they were laughing at me at the time, but thinking back, I realize they must've thought I was acting like a big kid. I was dead serious about going, I would have gone that second if that was option. But the others were just talking. And we never ended up going, and I just hate when that happens, people get my hopes up on something when they never real have any intention of seeing it through... I guess that's some kind of collective form of daydreaming that normal people do for pastime, but I just find it really confusing and frustrating.

Anyway. London is definitely on the agenda.

Now I just have to convince Cesar to save up money to come visit us once we're actually settled down over there, and then I can bring him over to Sweden with me, and he can meet my family since they won't shut about wanting to meet him (well my dad and my little brother does, my mum's already met him.) and then I'll whisk him away to the town hall and marry him or something, so that I can keep him close to me forever and ever and ever (no Fatal Attraction vibes intended.)

In the much nearer future, I've just sent off an email with a script for a short film to an independent producer with whom I've worked twice, one the zombie film and the Roxette music video, who also happens to be a lovely, gorgeous lady, and I'm hoping she'll like the script and want to help me get it done.

Now I'm going to work in the 2nd act of my feature screenplay for a while before talking to Ana Maria and Cesar on Skype. The time difference is a real pain, but if there is a will, there's a way !

Hell yeah.

So the key to not go crazy and depress the hell out of myself, apparently, is... get out of the house and/or talk to a close friend, i.e. get out of my own head.

And today I've been really good, because I've done both. First, I talked to my sunshine, Cesar, via Skype -- twice! -- and when he had to leave for work, I left the house and went into town to have coffee with my closest (if not only) friend in Stockholm, Anja, at this queer-friendly, cozy coffee shop called Copacabana by the water at Hornstull that is my new favourite place in all of Stockholm (Cesar you would love it there!)

And sitting there chatting away with Anja, and before that when I was catching up with Cesar, it's like the weights in my chest and on my back are lifted and a curtain is drawn aside and I can see clearly, and everything feels possible, as opposed to when I'm pacing and brooding in my room or tossing and turning in me bed and nothing seems possible.

So I'm going finish my current work-in-progress scripts, I'm going to seriously start planning pre-production on one of the shorter ones, and I'm going to look into moving to London next. I'm thinking of doing my next internship period for this course at some production company or with some film-maker there and start making some connections, then I'm thinking of looking into some bartender courses over there and as soon as I've made some shorts, I'll relocate and somehow, I don't know exactly how yet, but somehow I'm going to convince Cesar to move there too (Anja's already on board; anyone else want to join in.. do it!) and we're going to have an awesome film collective for a while and really build up a good resume (after that, the states or Canada or film school in Edinburgh or something completely different, we'll see!) so that's the plan. I'm excited. Tell me what you think !

New chapter: writing in Sunne

I got on a train and ventured into the great unknown of Sunne in the middle of nowhere Värmland in Sweden to meet up with my new class on Thursday. As usual when starting something new and meeting a new group of people, I hated it immediately, started to doubt the whole idea and just wanted out. There was one person that I had a positive inkling about at first "sight" but other than that I was overwhelmed by the oh-so-familiar sense of not belonging, and spent most of my energy on staying afloat. And so I met up with my class on the second morning, way too early, feeling low, anti and decaffeinated, but when we reached the destination of the day, everything changed. We spent the day even further away from civilisation (close to what I'm used to, woods and fields and water and a couple of barns) in the most inspiring and beautiful place imaginable; the place is called Alma Löv museum, it was started by our course leader Sara Broos' parents in the 70's, and her dad told us the whole story as a very entertaining and inspiring fairy tale almost, and that, combined with her mother's amazing paintings and the coffee, were worth the trip, not just to the museum, but to Sunne (which was hell, by the way, with all the shit I packed, as usual) and then we got to wander around and look at the pavilions that were spread out across the plot, that each of them were a work of art by a different artist, some had installations, some were filled with drawings, or sculptures, and they were all unique and genuine and inspiring. Then we had an intense workshop with actors Amanda Ooms and Peter Eriksson, who performed our texts, and that was amazing too.

It got a little easier throughout the day and evening to spend time with certain people in the group and talk to them, which made the experience of being in a group a lot easier to handle for me, even though I'm feeling strong rejection and negative energy coming off a few people, it balanced out a little more and now I don't feel quite as isolated and alien as I did yesterday. The inkling I had about that one person proved right as well, today I felt we connected on a deeper level, not just energy-wise, but intellectually, we had a long chat that revealed we have a lot of things in common and are very alike--who knows what, or if, it'll lead to anything beyond that, but it's still nice when something like that happens, it's like being lost in a foreign country and all of the sudden you hear a voice somewhere in the crowd that's speaking your language--and I've warmed up to a couple of other people in the group as well, in a more light-hearted way.

Tomorrow we get to pitch an idea to a producer, just for fun, and fun is not the word I would have used, but I'm going to wing it and see what happens--I'm so out of my league in this place, and this group, everyone else are like working professionals in the business already, it seems, and I'm the only one with no real experience or anything, but--I'm hoping for some good feedback and inspiration from listening to the others, before we do the real thing at the Gothenburg film festival .

(also, I have a crush on a "teacher" again)

I've been staying in my childhood home, visiting my parents for the past week, and sort of loading my emotional batteries. It was well-needed I think. I'm starting to feel alive and less depressed now. I also cut my hair again, and then I found my little brother's razor and went a little crazy. But I'm happy with the result, I feel like myself, more than I did before, which is weird because I never had this type of butch rocker haircut before. I guess it was about time I tried it.

Been generating some new ideas, but haven't been doing a lot of actual writing, but I think I'm about ready to in a bit. I just need to think a bit longer, then I can get down to it.

Script-writing and Flat hunting

The feature screenplay that I wrote and then decided wasn't really right and had to be made into two different stories and further developed and then written again, well I've written one of them now. So, again, I've written a feature screenplay. But it's not completely done because I'm still not sure if it should have a parallel narrative with past events, or if it should have actual flash backs, or just leave it to the dialogue in present time, actual dialogue and subtext, to tell the story of the past, the way it is now...  Basically, I don't know if I'm telling a "Beautiful Kate" or a "Margot at the wedding"...

Did I tell you I chopped my hair off?


Other things from the boring reality we're confined to:

The flat that Min and I thought we would get is no longer an option, which means we're both back to square one and potentially homeless come September. This situation is always fun. Never gets old. Really.

The job situation looks about the same way. The woman at Pocket Shop will get back to me in three weeks, when she gets back from her holiday, and I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for that, but that doesn't feed my bank account during the rest of the summer, though. So I'm going to head out with another batch of CV:s and see what happens.

Between purposes.

So after the second and final screening I went into hiding, or hibernating, for about a week. I skived off the graduation spectacle, and the class brunch, and shut myself in my room and watched movies and wrote a feature length screenplay. I've become something resembling a human being again since then, actually hung out with Tobbe and Min from class two days in a row, and now I'm relishing the fact that I seem to have internet at home again, for however long it'll last.

And I'm also itching to set up a web hosting account and rebuild my website more professionally or at least seriously but that is a very bad idea since I haven't got a job for the summer yet and won't be able to pay next month's rent, not to mention the mandatory get-together with the new class at the new school for the first few days which means I have to get myself from Stockholm to way off somewhere else in the country, pay for housing and feed myself whilst there. I had this half-baked naïve notion that I wouldn't have to get another grant for this year since it's mainly study-from-home and I'd be able to have a job and make some money at the same time, haah, yeah right! Well, to be honest, what with all the buzz at the end of (previous) school and then going MIA for a week, I haven't really had the time to put my back into looking for a job, but I'll get started on that for real first thing monday. But I think I'll apply for a grant for the first term anyway, just in case, and if I do happen to find enough work during that time, I won't apply for a grant for the second term. Not that it matters either way. I'm up to my eyeballs in debt already and there's no way I'll be able to pay it off, so what's another year going to do...

Possible good news on the film front, though. I might have a job on a novella film being shot this summer. Caroline, whom I did the internship on the zombie film with, has asked me to help her out with the casting, and maybe I'll get to tag along for the shoot as well, probably as an extras co-ordinator since that's what I mainly did on the zombie film. And unless they're shooting when I need to be in my new school. I really hope not because I'd really like to come, they'll be shooting at least one scene in London (at Gordon Ramsey's restaurant!) and that's just cool.

Deadlines and a newfound muse

I made it to the third and last step in the admission for the scriptwriting course for next year. It's an interview on the third of June.

Meanwhile, we're getting closer to the deadline for our short film "Vargens timma" and we've got a lot to do yet before it's even closed to finished, so I'm guessing we'll be working around the clock for the rest of the week. Although I have a couple of other things that I need to do as well, for one I still need to find a job. Also, I want to apply for a summer course in norm-criticizing theater performance at the theater school, and that deadline is the first of June. I have the interview that I mentioned. I need to work out a solution to my short/novella script and to do that I need to visit a funeral company and do some research.

Plus, I just had an idea for a really short short film that I need to write down as soon as possible so that I can get some feedback from my teachers before this course is over - I think this will be a perfect project to start with, because it's simple and short, it's got two characters and it's just one scene - I need to make a few shorter film projects that are cheap to get done, that I can show when I apply for funding for my larger projects down the line. And I usually have a really hard time thinking of shorter story ideas, all my ideas tend to involve complicated relationships and long character developments and stretch out to feature length, so I was really surprised when this idea came to me, practically finished, just like that, from a clear sky. It was like I'd been struck by a bolt of inspiration from a muse, and that never happens to me, ever! 

Right now, I'm waiting for Anja to get to school so that we can start working. She's already found one job and has been working three hours in the morning every day this week and I've been doing other stuff, and then we've worked on the short film in the afternoon and into the evening. And today she had a meeting as well, so it's going to be a late night tonight. But that's the business we're getting into and I'm not complaining! At least I'm not starving anymore!