Saturday, and clearly spring.

So I woke up at six o'clock this morning, at first feeling pretty good, but I think that was a reaction in comparison to how I normally feel when I'm up at six in the morning. I got up, and started to feel dizzy and faint. I also had a killer crick in my neck so I must have slept too curled up... I went to make coffee, planning to get som writing done before going to Vårrullen film festival where I was supposed to promote Baskursen at Dramatiska Institutet with three guys from my class. But I started feeling nauseous so I went back to bed. I couldn't go back to sleep so I watched two and a half movies (Saw 1, Killer deadline and From dusk till dawn) before I dozed off. My mobile ring tone (which is the song my little brother and his band recorded when he was like 13...) woke me up at noon and it was one of the guys, they were heading towards the place. I still felt like death reheated in a microwave, plus my throat was started to get sore, so I called Tobbe to make sure he had the stuff and that he was going, and then I decided to stay home and take it easy. I feel bad about it, since now our course is being represented by guys only, since I was the only girl who signed up, but I can't afford to get sick before the shoot, in case I'm coming down with another cold or something... I did discard my winter jacket the other day and yesterday it was pouring down rain...

Positive things, though! We now have a beautiful, perfect flat to shoot in, it was like walking into my own script, the only thing I could think was "This is where Maj (the main character) lives!" so that's taken care of, beyond expectations. And yesterday we heard back from the photographer, and she said yes too! I'm clapping my hands and giggling whenever I think about it!

The plant I got from mum when I got into D.I. has resurrected again. It's even got a new leaf amidst the dried-up old ones now.

After I met up with my old friend Annsofie for a coffee and a chat a while back, I wrote three poems on the ride home, just straight from my subconscious, no editing, and I put them up on this poetry website, and one of them ("luftskjul") were selected by the editors to be on the main page, they have a place for poems they want people to pay attention to, and I never got one of my poems noticed like that before, with my edited poems, so maybe poetry works the opposite way from scriptwriting for me, because my first draft of a script is incomprehensible to most people and I need to edit like crazy before anyone gets what it's about, and I rely on loads of good feedback to get the story where it needs to go... but apparantly in poetry, I should just wruite from my "creative unconscious" as the mother character in "Running with scissors" kept saying, and not edit too much...

I feel better now, just got a mild headache and a mildly sore throat (but my neck still hurts like a thumbscrew!) but I'm glad I decided to stay at home, I think I need the weekend to focus and recharge my batteries, plus I have to write a new version for Vargens timma and start editing Brev till min mamma (which needs a lot of work, the main plot was lost on Maria, so it's as unclear as can be, pus she said it was too slow in the build-up, I needed to start where the "action" starts for the main character, and she's completely right, of course, she's actually really great at giving feedback!)

Red Tea.

Nothing like your reckless dad and his guardian angel to put your chest cold in perspective for you... I'll save that story for another night, though. Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive. I did not perish in the swine flu. I have been sick (not with the swine flu, at least I don't think so...) more so than I ever remember being, but I'm feeling much better after a whole weekend of resting and watching British crime shows on DVD (Midsomer Murder and Wire in the blood) and drinking tea would you believe it

//rant follows//--> I found it, the one and only tea that doesn't make me gag! I found it the first time in Vancouver, at Death By Chocolate, and at Starbucks, but neither of those brands are available in stores over here and so I've been trying to find it again, going through all kinds of citric flavours because I remember the tea having a hint of lemon or something, and it was really spicy as well, not bitter but not sweet or fruity either... well, they all tasted awful and I was just about to give up, but then I was sullenly going through all the teas on the shelf in my local store one evening and feeling sorry for myself and there was this new sort of tea bags that were pyramid-shaped and it was red tea, or it's not really tea at all it's rooibos but it's called red tea, and I thought I'd try it and it's the one! Isn't that typical that the one tea I can stand to drink is the red one? Seems to be my theme recently... //...end of rant//

Casting is a nightmare. The girls are great and the guys are catastrophic. And the worst part is that my two class mates who are making the short with me have their heart set on this one guy and I think he's absolutely horrible and completely wrong for the part and I don't know what I'm going to do. I've demanded/begged for a second casting tomorrow and we've contacted three more guys, but I'm not even sure about those. There aren't a lot of guys in their 25-35s with a lot of experience in this town... I thought there would be, but there isn't. And most aren't right for the role. At this rate I'll have to rewrite the script and make it a lesbian couple... (one of the other groups did that actually, for the same reason...)

Held back a day.

Was very unfit for school this morning after having tossed and turned all night with fever and stuffed nose and aching back and other such lovely things. So I decided to stay home. I slept until five in the afternoon... I guess I was more exhausted than I thought!

Feeling a bit better now. Back is only "I did yoga"-sore, not "why the hell did you walk around in the cold without proper clothes on"-aching, so that's a good pain, not a bad one. Can definitely live with that. Fever gone and nose functioning. Should be fit for school again in the morning!

One more thing; guess what came in the mail today!? The letter from Teaterhögskolan (The theatre school)! My audition is scheduled for the 3rd of November at 8:30 in the morning! It's official! It's happening! I'm so excited! Wish me broken legs!

I just watched David Cronenberg's Naked Lunch for the first time, and I loved it. I also ventured into Täby earlier and located that gym/health club with the student discount on the one year membership and I got one. I feel healthier already. I'm catching my first class tomorrow night after school - Power Yoga! - and then in the future I thought I'd also try and catch Monday night's core classes as well, so that way I work core strenght along side my yoga every week, but next Monday I actually have an audition of sorts, so I won't make it to the gym.

I talked to the photographer in Uppsala finally. I told him that I wouldn't have time to come up for any photo shoots until Christmas holidays, just to keep my options open. Now, I only have four more people to contact. One old friend and three prospective new ones. I shall keep you updated on that.

Now I have to try and get a hold on tomorrow's schedule so I know where I'm going. Have a good night, everyone.

Off to a bad start.

This photographer/agent that my aunt knows and dragged me to see a few months ago got in touch with me again. He just got back from Italy, he says. And he wanted to see me (without my aunt being there and making him stressed ...) so I told him I only have weekends available because of school, and we decided on next weekend. So I've booked my train tickets, and dad was going to call my aunt and see if I could stay at hers... I don't know how I get myself into these things, I really don't. I'm not a model! I don't want to be a model! Ah, whatever. Maybe I'll get some extra cash or at least a couple of nice photos that I can put on my website, that is in serious need of updating by the way, and I've promised Ana to make layout pictures for her web site as well, and I haven't even as much as thought about Photoshop since school started (it's threatening to file for divorce ...)

This past week seems to have taken its toll on me finally. I woke up dead. And then I realized I was running very late. And then somehow managed to drag myself out of bed, out of the house and onto the bus, and I was doing okay until I reached the metro ... then I got hit with this weight of nausea and broke out into a cold sweat and could barely see ... so I took off my sunglasses. But I was still bleary-eyed and shaky. And I decided that the amount of strenght and energy that would be required to get my arse all the way out to Alby for school would kill me a second time and I'd still be inexcusably late, so I folded under pressure and went home again. Coffee and Hammerfall and a big blanket later, I'm feeling less pitiful and less dead. Now I'm more of a zombie beating itself up for missing a day of school.

And it rains.

My throat is killing me, but at least I'm not running a fever anymore. It's raining.

That reminds me of a sketch by the guys from Varan-TV.

They did a sequence of sketches making fun of directors and essentially the whole Hollywood thing, where there's this typical director guy making new movie adaptations out of Astrid Lindgren's books (Pippi Longstocking?) and each one is an action movie made with adult actors, and drugs and guns and stuff, and each time when he's summerizing at the end of the sequence he always says the same thing, "It's dark. It's the ninetees... Oh, and it rains."

We started editing stuff in school now. Final Cut. I stayed late with a couple of others until I was fed up with everything between here and today. Then I went home. Got here at midnight and made myself a huge mug of disgusting tea with honey in it. For my throat. I was going to drink some this morning as well, but it's really not helping, so I'm helping myself to some coffee instead. So, there.

Fisherman's friend, Ida's better half.

Time for another update, I think.. So it's Friday evening. Another week has gone by. A particularly exhausting one, I have to say. But fun.

So on Monday we got our cameras and stuff, a not-so-brief-but-at-the-same-time-not-so-thorough-either walk-through by one of the staff, clearly not a teacher, and clearly not a film-maker either, I mean, who says, when asked something along the lines of, "What if I want to do this shot where the character does this and then that and I want to do this and that, how to I do that with the camera without fucking the exposure and white balance and blah"... "Oh, yeah, Uhm, you don't have to worry about that, this is a simple exercise, just cut inbetween the two different shots..." is creative? Is that in any way a problem solving attitude? I don't think so.

Tuesday, I woke up feeling dead, except worse. I can't really pin-point where in my body the problem lay because EVERYTHING hurt, my head, my throat, my eyes, my lower back, my chest. I was dizzy and nauseous. I was convinced I had the swine flu. And most definitely running a fever. And this is they day we get divided into small groups and get our first filming assignment. Teacher, Maria, gives us a little piece of paper with a statement, and we make it into a scene or a three minute short, so morning is spent brain-storming and script-writing, then after lunch we should be ready to start shooting, and by three o'clock we need to be ready. This is also the day I'm supposed to direct. Not a very successful shoot, as I'm sure you can imagine, in my pitiful state...

Wednesday, a lot more successful, I was feeling a bit better physically, and I was acting instead of trying to direct, didn't learn anything, but I got my confidence up again.

Wait... I'm missing a day... today's Friday, what the Hell...

Well, then I don't remember Monday.

Today, I was acting again. We had a really good time. According to the two behind the camera, the end result wasn't as good as yesterday, we didn't get all the shots we needed, we weren't as organized as we were yesterday, but that's not too surprising, because yesterday we did a simple head on sitting on a couch scene. Today, all four of us, five when the teacher came to sit in and observe, cramped into a little bathroom, with tricky through the mirror shots, and Anja and I who were acting, didn't really make it easier for Ragnar who was directing today, cause we got so into our characters and the scene that we kept going, and improvising all over the place, and barely paid any attention to him or Mireya and her frame, so it was a bit chaotic. Plus the air went rather quickly, so we were all suffering from the lack of oxygen and getting pretty dizzy as well... Oh, Ces, in the scene I wore my seahorse necklace that you got me in Chile!

Al in all a good week. My throat is really sore, but I feel more energized. I'm going to devote my weekend to getting some more writing done and possibly getting in touch with an old friend of mine who live in Stockholm.

Over and out.

DI [dee] class.

Everything seems to fall into place. After so many months of depression and apathy and hopelessness, I'm charged again and it's an amazing feeling, I don't have time to eat or sleep anymore, my mind is whirlwind, I'm inspired, I'm happy, I feel alive for the first time since I left Vancouver, and the class is coming together, we all feel like we've known each other forever yet we're all new, and different, it's the perfect group, I don't think there is one or a couple I can connect with more than the rest, not like in Vancouver where I developed really deep feelings and connections with a select few (that makes it feel like I selected them and they should be so lucky, but I didn't mean it like that...) but I feel quite equally about everyone, and it's not a question of forming friendships, but of coming together to create and the atmosphere around the work is friendly, if that difference makes sense to anyone else but me... but when we're together, it's very harmonious and equal, the mood is light, the energy is buzzing, and I think we're all really stoked to be here and to work together.

I really need to start doing yoga again, now that I'm regaining my mood and energy, I need to start building some strenght and become more fit and healthy and all that... I also need to start eating and sleeping better, so I don't hit a wall before this first month is even up!