Varma Mackor

I need to get better at updating my blog, so that I don't have a million things to tell you when I finally do... I don't even know where to start. The beginning, maybe. Okay, yeah. Well, I'll keep this short because I just woke up, I have my coffee here next to me, but I'm not sure it'll be enough jump start my brain this morning since yesterday was the last day of shooting my short film Varma Mackor, and like with any other shoot, the day after you feel sort of hungover from all the adrenalin and energy and coffee, plus reality takes a moment to get used to as well. Also, another reason I have to keep this short, is that I have to leave soon, I'm meeting up with Tove at Östermalmstorg to get the harddrives from her, the harddrives with all the material, I'm kind of freaked out actually... but first things first:

Pre-production. One big rollercoaster ride. But every bump in the road was dealt with quickly and smoothly, and things pretty much fell into place, over and over again, which in of itself is unheard of I think, so I was harbouring some "too good to be true" pessimism already. But the first day of shooting, we were in a school in Salem, we had a ridiculously short time to get the stuff we wanted to get from the two scenes we were shooting, a lot less time than what was needed to get them, actually. We also had, around us, fifteen kids that "belonged" to us and were extras in the scenes, as well as eighty kids that belonged to the school and were curious about what we were doing. But for some reason, things fell into place again and we actually finished ahead of time. My "too good to be true" suspicions increased.

The next two days of the shoot we were in the producer's dad's house and shoot the kitchen scenes and the scenes in the doorway to the brother's room. And long story short, I can't even begin to tell you how extremely happy I am about the stuff I have. The crew was great, Tove did an amazing job with the photography, and Edvin the scenographer was literally amazing, both with the scenography and as a person to work with. He was calm, concentrated, humble, had an eye for details, was patient with me when I got all excited and wanted to help decorate the brother's room, any other scenographer might have got annoyed because I stepped on their toes, but he was just amused and let me bounce around and then concentrated on his thing. In the end, all the material we got, both in the kitchen and the room, looked amazing, I got some seriously excellent stuff out of the actors, who were all amazing as well. Wilma who played the lead girl is a wonder, I have never seen anything like it, and everyone else have reacted the same. She is so focused, so nuanced and natural, she has this aura about her, she is so intelligent, and no matter what directon I gave her, she took it and used it, nothing blocked her, not even the ridiculously long and difficult lines of dialogue that she had. I mean, the stuff that she got to do this weekend, emotionally, mentally, and even physically when we did her POV shots and she had to sit on the floor between Tove and and the table and try and reach her hands up and repeat her actions from the scene, it was extremely tough stuff to do, for a grown-up experienced actor, and for a child actor, it's basically impossoble. I mean, to get natural from a child actor is tough enough. I have to stop praising her now... but you'll see when the film is done, she's just incredible. They all are.

Anyway. Since I'm so happy with everything, you can understand that the "this is too good to be true" feeling has increased to epic proportions and why I'm freaked out about getting the harddrives with all the material on them now, I'm thinking I'll either be robbed on my way home or get hit by a bus...

The last of the exterior shots!

I'm stuck where treasures of childhood litter
the sounds of almost innocense linger
like a stuttering wail &
yesterday's morning was broken with a fist
These marks will also fade
(but I'll never be that smooth blank whole
again.)


About 16-hour day today, shooting outside, on the plus side we didn't have -18 degrees like we had the other day when we shot under St. Eriksbron (bridge) but on the downside it was really wet and damp, so it still got cold and it got in your bones, and my shoes and socks got soaked early in the day so I've been walking around with cold, wet feet all day and night. (You get used to it after a while.) Oh, and I had to get up at three in the morning to catch the night bus to get me into town and to school to co-ordinate extras at half past five, but the bloody bus just drove on right past me, so I was about ten minutes late anyway, so I could just have slept another half hour. But it was fine. I got some coffee from makeup and things went relatively smoothly, as did the rest of the day. Now I'm knackered, but that's a good thing since I'm heading to bed! Up (not quite as) early again tomorrow, which will be a holiday compared to our previous days since we'll be shooting in a studio at school, which means no having to find a location, no co-ordinating extras from and to bus stops and waiting areas and bathrooms and set, no scurrying around in ice-cold puddles all day, no fog or drizzle or snow storms or cold or rain, not getting lost, no confusion about who drives what car where... it'll be heaven! I just have to wake up, get to school, and then I just have to stay there all day long. And there's a 7-eleven just across the street. With proper, good, wonderful 7-eleven coffee. No more awful, toxic, (and in the case of outside shoots, iced) coffee you usually get on set. Okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration (not about the ice, you left your cup for more than five minutes, you could turn it upside down and the coffee would stay in the cup) coffee is still coffee, it could never be awful (unless you put anything in it)

But yes, anyway, sleep! and tomorrow: massive zombie shoot out extravaganza with real stunt men and fake weapons and cool special effects! woo hoo!

By the end of this shoot, the film crew won't need makeup to jump in as zombie extras...

Another crazy day on the zombie film shoot, and it's (definitely) not over yet. I actually left the team, cast and crew (we we've been shooting in three different ext. locations today, and when I left they were filming in the very central part of Stockholm, as central as you can probably be, on a roped off stretch of street just above Sergels Torg) to go into school and phone all the extras with call-times and meeting place for monday the 1st, something that my assistant was supposed to do but couldn't and he's also unable to help me out tomorrow, so instead of doing just my job tomorrow, I have to delegate and do both of ours, but I don't think it'll be a problem (and by that, I mean it's not literally impossible)

It's just that I have to, yet again, get up at four o'clock to catch the night bus to the tube and head into town to be at the school before half past five, which is when our first group of zombie extras will be arriving, and basically my task is to co-ordinate them between makeup and costume and then to the car that will take them to set, and then the next group will arrive at seven and after I've greeted them and shown them where the makeup artists are, I'll have to run to catch the tube which will take me to the meeting place for all the other extras that are coming tomorrow but who aren't zombies, and I have to gather them around me and herd them into whichever car the team can spare at that time and make sure they get driven to set...

I can just picture those of you who know me, or knew me, I should say, before this production, how I was then with structure, schedules and organizing things... I'm learning so much on this internship! I call people up on the phone left right and center, I keep track of names and dates and times and tasks, even without my notes, I keep notes, I even have a huge binder with all my papers in one place... no little crumbled up post-it notes, no scribbles on the back of my hand... I know!  

Okay, back to work! The only reason I had time to update this blog is that I was still waiting for the address of the location for monday and the call-times (we do everything, literally, at the last minute in this production... it's just how we roll!)

Det är ni som e de konstiga, det är jag som e normal

The most amazing thing happened the other night. I was working late on the zombie film and Anja phoned me, she was at the train station about to go home to Värmland for the weekend, and was just about to buy her ticket when her brother had phoned and said he had two extra tickets for Thåström! So obviously, since she loves Thåström just as I do, she decided to delay her departure until the next morning and phoned me! So more impromptu than ever I went to a Thåström concert with Anja, her older brother (also the dad of my darling child actor in my short film - that I've finally come up with a title for, by the way... "Vi stannar här" - We're staying here.) and his, slightly toasted friends. It was awesome and magical and fantastic. I love Thåström. When everyone else listened to Backstreet boys and Spice girls, back in the day, I listen to Ebba Grön and Imperiet (which is funny, because apparantly Anja's brother had said the exact same thing to her, except instead of Backstreet boys and Spice girls it was Per Gessle. The previous generation. And Thåström's still standing!)

I'm in the production room of the zombie film right now. People are going mad with stress. We start shooting on Saturday and nothing is done! It's still fun though.

The show must go on...

One chapter ends and another begins; we had our group feedback meeting with our teachers today. Didn't do much good, but at least it went down civilly, and I'd feared some kind of nasty row, but it was fine. It started getting ugly towards the end, but I put my foot down and asked that we just ended the meeting, because nothing good would come out of rehashing these issues. Kalle and I are on the same page, and Azigza is reading a whole other book. I'm not going to work with him ever again, and the feeling is mutual, so what's the point in arguing over this? At least we could all agree on that.

So now Kalle and I are editing the film. Azigza is making his own, just for himself, to learn more about the editing process. It was his idea to step back from it and leave the project, and we were more than happy about that. It sucks that it should be that way, but that's the way it is, and you're not always going to get along with people you meet and work with, apparantly. It's been a really great and educational experience and my overall experience with the whole project has been really positive. I've had great fun. I've discovered that Kalle and I work extremely well together and I want to work with him again. I managed to get through the shoot and do my job as well as keep on a straight face in front of the actors even after that nasty occurance on the second morning between Azigza and me, and everything that happened, one thing after another that just added to the pile of tension and frustration. On the one hand I'm really glad that it's all over now. On the other I just want to keep going, I want to keep filming, I miss it already and I can't wait to get started on my next project!

We did it!

We finished the shoot! We got everything and it all looked fantastic, I'm giddy as hell right now! The film is going to be great!

The team ended on even worse terms than we began, unfortunately, and I'm not going to be a gossip and bitch about it here, but the photographer and us other two just didn't work together, and from that perspective I'm really glad it's over, and I am never working with him again, not a chance, for several reasons that will be left un-divulged here, and I'm fine with that and I'm sure the feeling is very mutual. I'm just annoyed because I thought I could communicate and collaborate with anyone, because I consider myself quite adaptable and empathetic, but it turns out I can't. I''ve met him and I've put on a semi-happy and professional facade and got through these past three days and got the result I wanted from the shoot, but never again.

Kalle, on the other hand, my co-director, has been amazing. He's the reason I got through the negative bullshit and was able to eventually shake off what happened yesterday morning and still direct, he's basically an angel and I loved every moment of us working together and I really hope we'll work together again.

The rest of the team, who assisted ours was great too, all in all we've had a really good experience and a really great time!

Martin, the actor who played the male character in the short, texted me after they'd left today and said to tell everyone thanks, that we'd all worked great and developed a lot just during these three days and that he'd got to do a lot of really difficult stuff and we should be proud of ourselves (now, that's the best mark one could get on a school project, wouldn't you say?)

I'll give you more details on the actual film and shots and stuff later, but now I'm beat. Good night!

Angels and cocktail parties

I never told you about my dad's guardian angel's latest adventure, did I?

Well, my mum was in town, she was supposed to babysit my brother's kids and then come and see me and stay over at my place and take me to lunch the next day before going back home... this was the weekend I was recuperating. And I was quite looking forward to the lunch and the pity I was expecting being dying and all (I get very immature and pathetic when I'm sick) but I get a text message on my mobile saying "I'm on a train heading home, not feeling very well" so the whole thing was cancelled.

Well, I was on the phone with her later in the week and it turns out she'd called my dad on his mobile, he was on the island, working on the new cottage I suppose, and my little brother was at home by himself, and mum just called to check in... well, my dad answers the phone, completely out of it, disorientated and sounding completely wasted... and my mum started panicking and thinking he'd "relapsed" and got drunk for some reason and started painting these horror scenrios in her head, what if something happens with Simon at home, what if something happens with Thomas out there, stranded on the island and completely incapacitated, etc (I take after her, I think) and she worried to the point where she was in a right panic and she had to go home, to be there for Simon so he wouldn't be alone if nothing else...

Turns out, dad had been taking a nap in the cottage and been slowly but steadily carbon poisoned (I think that's what it's called) from the old gas stove (I think) and what happens with that is that you don't notice anything's wrong, and you get sleepy and you fall asleep and then you never wake up... so if my mum hadn't phoned my dad and woke him up, well he'd be dead now! luckily though, she did phone and wake him up, and he was all dizzy and out of it and realized something was wrong, and got out of the cottage and opened the door and windows to get all the gas out. And once again, he made it out alive.

On my side of the world, our sister team has just finished their shoot, and next week ours is up. I'm really excited. I was more nervous and anxious before, but now we've tidied up the storyboard, we've started preparing stuff ahead of time, we got all the equipment to the house yesterday and started trying out shots and lighting, which we'll be doing all day tomorrow as well; we're going to plan every shot in detail before the shoot so that we don't waste any actual filming time on setting up and adjusting lights or angles, because we're literally not going to have time. We're going to have time to do a maximum of two-three takes of each frame/scene and maybe one rehearsal and blocking, but that's it. I'm really stoked though! I think we're actually going to be able to pull it off!

Taking tonight off for Annelie (my brother's wife) and her friend's cocktail party! I'm more nervous about that I think... but it'll be fun. I haven't had time to go second hand shopping for anything to wear, but mum brought my red dress with her from home, and I don't care if it's not a cocktail dress per se, that's what I'm wearing (even though I'll look like a scarlet woman...) and black "boots" -- yes, you heard me right, Cesar, I'm going in black boots, and not fancy heels, I'm sorry, but that's just the way it's going to be! -- I can't stay too long though, and I can't drink (well, the welcome drink is fine I think, but no more after that) because I have to get up early in the morning and start preparing for the shoot! So exciting!

story boarding.

We had our second major group crisis meeting today. We all got upset. But in the end, we came together and finished the storyboard and parted on good terms. That's a good day's work, wouldn't you say? We also decided on which actors we wanted and did some paperwork (well, I didn't, but Kalle did, so the group did and anyway it was done.)

Tomorrow we're assisting our sister group as crew. They've promised a long and hard day with definite overtime. So that'll be fun. (such luxuries... we need to be working overtime too, but we won't even get full time because our lady star has to leave early every day to go pick up her kid from daycare!) But they will be providing coffee though, so that's a plus. We have to bring our own food on the other hand, which means I have to magically cook a lunch box out of the red tea bags and ketchup and other useless items that I actually own at the moment since I haven't had the energy to make it to the store this past week and today I didn't have time before they closed for the night... I'll have to think of some solution though, I can't go all day on an empty stomach, since I did that today and I'm still recuperating from my flu/cold. (I have some Swedish crispy bread and Cup A Soup if all spells fail... don't worry!)

Red Tea.

Nothing like your reckless dad and his guardian angel to put your chest cold in perspective for you... I'll save that story for another night, though. Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive. I did not perish in the swine flu. I have been sick (not with the swine flu, at least I don't think so...) more so than I ever remember being, but I'm feeling much better after a whole weekend of resting and watching British crime shows on DVD (Midsomer Murder and Wire in the blood) and drinking tea would you believe it

//rant follows//--> I found it, the one and only tea that doesn't make me gag! I found it the first time in Vancouver, at Death By Chocolate, and at Starbucks, but neither of those brands are available in stores over here and so I've been trying to find it again, going through all kinds of citric flavours because I remember the tea having a hint of lemon or something, and it was really spicy as well, not bitter but not sweet or fruity either... well, they all tasted awful and I was just about to give up, but then I was sullenly going through all the teas on the shelf in my local store one evening and feeling sorry for myself and there was this new sort of tea bags that were pyramid-shaped and it was red tea, or it's not really tea at all it's rooibos but it's called red tea, and I thought I'd try it and it's the one! Isn't that typical that the one tea I can stand to drink is the red one? Seems to be my theme recently... //...end of rant//

Casting is a nightmare. The girls are great and the guys are catastrophic. And the worst part is that my two class mates who are making the short with me have their heart set on this one guy and I think he's absolutely horrible and completely wrong for the part and I don't know what I'm going to do. I've demanded/begged for a second casting tomorrow and we've contacted three more guys, but I'm not even sure about those. There aren't a lot of guys in their 25-35s with a lot of experience in this town... I thought there would be, but there isn't. And most aren't right for the role. At this rate I'll have to rewrite the script and make it a lesbian couple... (one of the other groups did that actually, for the same reason...)

Busy.

Pre-production work is turning out to be really demanding and time consuming. I feel like I'm threading water and not much gets done despite doing everything at once 24/7... but at least we have a couple of actors to audition tomorrow, so that's something.

I had my big theatre school audition this morning. I was really nervous yesterday, but then by the time I got home I started feeling under the weather and then spent the entire night tossing and turning with fever chills. Not much of an improvement this morning when it was time to get up either, in fact I felt worse because I hadn't slept... but I made it into town and I stayed alive in the gruesome waiting room and then I performed the self-chosen Stepmom monologue without fainting, so that's good I guess... but in terms of performance value, I've done better and I doubt they were very impressed.

In school now. Back to work.

Keeping busy

I'm getting on the stressed side now... We shoot in less than two weeks, more like one week. But at least we've had some stupid luck in terms of finding stuff quickly; yesterday we went and for an oxygen mask and a tube (like an IV tube) from the doctor's office near the school and the nurse gave them both to us for free and basically no questions asked, and on the way from there to the school in town where we were heading to listen to the producers of the Nordic film competition awards (the Finnish producer was the only one not there, and from Sweden the director was there as well as the producer -- Lars Von Trier, surprisingly, wasn't. But his producer was. And she was rather cool...) and as we were on the metro, Kalle called the number for the junk yard thingy for cars on death row whatever that Azigza had found and he got another number to call, and that guy said, Sure thing, just swing by next week and see if you can find a car that you like! And we even get to smash the windshield of it, which means we can use the same car for before and after the crash! *fingers crossed for finding a good one*

On the downside, just to balance things out, we had a look at the studio while we were at the school, and realized that it's not going to work very well at all. So now we still have to find a flat with a spacious and nice looking bedroom!

And we have to do a storyboard, find actors and have a casting session (it was so much easier being on the other end of this, you wouldn't think so, but it is!) and besides all the production stuff in school, I have the audition for Teaterhögskolan on Monday! Which is not even a week from now, it's a weekend from now!

Audition and full night's sleep.

Movie-watching day in school; two great documentaries, one is called "Videocracy" and the other "Bananas" and they were both great. Unfortunately the guys who made them didn't make it (that sounds as though they died in the making of the movie... they were supposed to show up at our school for a discussion and Q&A afterwards, but they had to cancel.)

Brief production meeting afterwards. We were missing our third member, though.

After school, I had my audition for that folk high school short film. I pretty much prepared it on the bus. The scene was basic enough, but I was still nervous because it's the first time I've auditioned in Sweden and kind of the first time I've really actually in Swedish since theatre school in 2004... and the guys threw me for a loop as well - I'm used to the whole enter, say me name, jump into it with a reader next to the camera... well, they wanted to do an italian read of the scene first. The director is also playing the other character in the scene. We did four italian reads, each time they wanted me to speed it up. Then they wanted to start working on the scene together and try different things, and then they wanted to improvize around the script, and then they wanted to see the version that had been my initial reaction, three times...

I had a headache by the time I got out of there. But it didn't go too badly, I don't think. Good first try at a Swedish audition I'd say, good warm-up round for the theatre school audition. But the tension from being nervous, plus smoking and not eating, left me feeling a little less than fantastic when it was all over, plus you guys (who are actors) will now what a strain it is on your energy to do an audition, or act a scene! But it feels so right, though. This is definitely what I'm meant to be doing (Mum.)

Here's something crazy: when I got home I crawled into bed immediately because of my headache, and I was feeling nauseous as well, and lights were hurting my eyes... and I actually fell asleep around eight o'clock and I slept all through the night until my alarm went off just now!