Up the rabbit hole.

So I'm sitting in school now, and I'm the only one too, besides some staff members, and it's getting light outside but I got here when it was still dark about an hour ago, only to realize I don't actually have anything that I can do, because what I was supposed to do was call around to a bunch of strangers that have shown their interest in being zombie extras in the film and book about 160 of them for group auditions for monday and tuesday next week, but since no studios seem to be available for booking, I can't very well book any zombies because we won't have anywhere to put them and it's not like we can have the auditions in the hallway... and despite having slept on and off for three days, I'm getting tired already, can you believe it? I didn't sleep any this morning, which is probably why... I woke up at half past nine last night and I've been up since, so I guess, that's twelve hours, yeah it makes sense that I'm getting tired doesn't it? or does it? how long do you usually stay awake in a normal day if you're a normal person? you get up at like seven, you go to bed at what eleven? ten? no that's fifteen-sixteen hours, I shouldn't be getting tired yet... which means that in three or four hours I'll probably krasch. Great. Then, since there is no-one here to keep watch over me and make sure that I'm being productive, I'll cave in and go home and fall asleep and then wake up at midnight and still be stuck in this upside-down day rhythm... Great.

I feel like I'm not really real. And this is a deleted scene from a Roy Andersson film, or something. The bleak light. The falling snow outside the window next to me. The quiet around me. Except for the very annoying tick-tock of a clock somewhere.

My teacher Hanna had left an envelope for me at reception with my letter of recommendation that she's written for my grant application, though, and it was really flattering. So that made it worth while to show up here this morning.

Audition and full night's sleep.

Movie-watching day in school; two great documentaries, one is called "Videocracy" and the other "Bananas" and they were both great. Unfortunately the guys who made them didn't make it (that sounds as though they died in the making of the movie... they were supposed to show up at our school for a discussion and Q&A afterwards, but they had to cancel.)

Brief production meeting afterwards. We were missing our third member, though.

After school, I had my audition for that folk high school short film. I pretty much prepared it on the bus. The scene was basic enough, but I was still nervous because it's the first time I've auditioned in Sweden and kind of the first time I've really actually in Swedish since theatre school in 2004... and the guys threw me for a loop as well - I'm used to the whole enter, say me name, jump into it with a reader next to the camera... well, they wanted to do an italian read of the scene first. The director is also playing the other character in the scene. We did four italian reads, each time they wanted me to speed it up. Then they wanted to start working on the scene together and try different things, and then they wanted to improvize around the script, and then they wanted to see the version that had been my initial reaction, three times...

I had a headache by the time I got out of there. But it didn't go too badly, I don't think. Good first try at a Swedish audition I'd say, good warm-up round for the theatre school audition. But the tension from being nervous, plus smoking and not eating, left me feeling a little less than fantastic when it was all over, plus you guys (who are actors) will now what a strain it is on your energy to do an audition, or act a scene! But it feels so right, though. This is definitely what I'm meant to be doing (Mum.)

Here's something crazy: when I got home I crawled into bed immediately because of my headache, and I was feeling nauseous as well, and lights were hurting my eyes... and I actually fell asleep around eight o'clock and I slept all through the night until my alarm went off just now!