Wake-up Call.

Gone to Stockholm with my family over the weekend. Simon and I just went with Milou (my neice) on a walk so she'd fall asleep in her pram. I just got my laptop out to watch Cesar's latest video blog and got a small but very attentive audience, my nephew Theo, who stood as transfixed next to my chair and stared at the screen, then demanded with gestures and gurgling (but without tearing his gaze from the screen) to be placed in my lap so he could see it better (and curl his little fingers around my hair, or earlobe, or bra strap...)

My friends kidnapped me and I hung out with them for a few hours. We sat on Tess' balcony (although she wasn't there, she's on Gran Canaria with her new boyfriend.) and drank beer, chain-smoked and talked shit and made stupid jokes. It was fun, I mean it wasn't not fun, I had a good time, which I usually do when I take it for what it is, and in small doses, because I can adapt easily in social situations, it's just depending on the people or the circumstances I can keep it up for longer or shorter periods of time or more or less frequently. But it's becoming more and more apparant that I don't belong in my old circles, I've branched out and lost my grip. I'm an alien here now. My friends and I barely have any common interests left. I have a good enough time when I hang out with them, but I want different things out of life and I also think I've changed a bit while I've been living in Canada, and there's a gap between us now. If they've changed they've changed in a different direction than I have, because we're not on the same page anymore. It's confirmed.

Oh, and I got into an argument about legalizing prostitution again. Seems like that is a universal subject, and I've yet to find people who actually side with me on this, except for my mum, so I'm beginning to think maybe there's something wrong with me, maybe I'm the crazy one, I don't know... I just can't wrap my mind around that way of thinking, but whatever. I don't have the energy to get involved in any issues right now. A teacher from my old elementary/secondary school (who I didn't even had, I had his wife, in Art) told my dad once that I was unique girl, or in his own word "not the kind to come by the dozen", sometimes I wonder if that's actually a positive thing...

I'm going to write a few articles for "Kustnytt" (a local magazine), unfortunately I won't get paid for them, but at least, I don't even know, practise, motivation, see my name in print, whatever, there must be something positive to gain from it.

My brother's girlfriend, sorry, wife, Annelie, is great to talk to. She's not negative like everyone back home, and she's great to brain storm with and always helps me find perspective and things just feels a bit easier when I'm around her. We just talked about my situation, and she suggested biting the bullet and try and get a job in that tele support company where all my friends work just through the summer to save up money, and she said I'm too restless and have too much of a drive to get stuck, but if I should, her and Fredrik will drag me out. I think she's right though, I've been so many places and done so many things, I wouldn't get stuck, like Annelie said, the people who get stuck are the people who never left in the first place.

I should take a mind-numbing job, temporarily, and write on the side, and then set my goal to go back to school in the autumn, hopefully I'll get into that course at the Dramatic Institute, if not, I'll get that stupid high school diploma and get it over with (although I still maintain that I shouldn't have to and that the Gods of Bureaucracy are against me!)

I'm going to do my part as aunt now. Until next time.