Suck a lonely day, and it's mine.

So yesterday my agent got me an audition for a horror film that I was supposed to go and tape at 2nd avenue and email to wherever. The project is called "Echoes" and it's your basic horror film setup. A group of 20-something-year-olds decide to break into an old and abandoned mental institution with a dark past and have a halloween party and things get ugly. I went for the part of Calie who was the Britney Spears-listening, gorgeous blonde of this crew and I obviously get killed off first along with my handsome but not too quick on the uptake jock of a boyfriend. Well, I don't have my hopes up for this one, but it would be fun to do if I actually got the role against the odds.

Anyway. I couldn't sleep, nothing new there, but did eventually doze off sometime early this morning. Overslept. Bus took forever. By the time I was downtown it was already ten o'clock when I was supposed to be at 2nd ave, and I had two more buses to catch. So, quite panicked, I thought I'd hail a cab, but then I remembered that my paycheck might not have gone through yet, so I wouldn't have enough money on my debot to pay the cab and 2nd ave, so I figured I'd use the money my dear mother put onto my swedish Visa card.. however, I wasn't sure I remembered the PIN correctly not having used it in about a year, so I went looking for an ATM to see if I could take out money... and the fucking thing ate my card! It was past it expiry date, I had my old card in my wallet and my new one still in the envelope at home!

So, completely desperate and hopeless at this point, I just started walking in the general direction of where I was going, which was east, and discovered there was a bus that would take me across the water closer to where the studio is located so I wouldn't have to take the 9 on the other side, so I hopped onto that and called 2nd ave to let them know I was running late, found the place, ran inside about 15 mins late, went in and rushed through my death scene, smacting all the way, and then I was out.

Hey, at least I made it there.

I'm in a coffee shop, in MY coffee shop rather, big new cafe on broadway and granville, and I am feeling very dejected, not because of the audition, but because I don't see a way for my to stay in the country after March, and I'm not talking just for those five months between the end of my work visa and the start of the art program I want to apply to in September, but at all, ever. I don't think I'm qualified to apply to Emily Carr. I was supposed to contact some translators to translate my academic transcripts right now, but I left the paper at home with the name of the company that does those, so I went to Emily Carr's website to see if they had the link there, and I realized that besides the translations they also need the original transcripts, sent from the various institutions that have issued each and every one of them, by Feb 1st. I can't just give them my copies, the schools have to send them! I am so, sooo fucked.

I don't know what to do. I had so many options, and I couldn't decide what do to, and now I have none. I'm telling you, 2009 hates me. I thought things were looking up and that my angel was watching over me, but really.. I see no light in this fucking tunnel and I am sick of this. I just want to catch a break. I want to sit down and take a deep breath and not have the entire fucking world weighing down on my shoulders like some gullible Atlas.