GAH

I am not having a very good day off, at all. I'm really anxious right now, and I don't really know why, I mean nothing in particular has happened or gone wrong, but I'm having trouble breathing and it's messing up my ability to focus and that's very annoying. I'm supposed to be finishing the script right now, and it's almost done, just have the very last bit left to type up, not even come up with but type up, and I can't, because I can't sit still or see straight or fucking collect myself and it's driving me insane. At first I thought, well, I haven't been out of the war zone, I mean, apartment, all day so I just need some fresh air, and move my legs and get the circulation going, blood flowing, all that stuff so I went out for a walk and I got chest pains and dizzy almost immediately, like I'd been running a marathon, and I know I'm out of shape, but come on, that's just ridiculous. And I don't know what to do. I bought cigarettes, but even though smoking calms me down, it does nothing for my chest and then that makes me even more anxious since I'm a hypochondriac, and the whole vicious circle starts all over again. I hate 2009 so far, I really do. Not that 2008 was that great or any other year, except maybe 1994 and backwards, and I don't want to go back for the life of me, but come on, cut me some slack here, I just want to breathe properly, I mean is that realy too much to ask, really?