Letter for Cesar #1

Hi my love.

If you're thinking I'm going to be this awful at keeping in touch with you the entire time we're a part, then worry no more! It will all change as soon as my hostages release me into the real world and I can go back to my life in Van, which I still have by the way, a co-worker of mine emailed me and told me I'm on the schedule for next week, so at least I won't be unemployed and homeless when I get back so that's a good thing.

I had quite the new year's eve with a good Cabernet Sauvignon and kisses from the beautiful girl of my obsessions, but unfortunately it had a very disappointing turn of events right about the time of "Happy new yeeeeaaar"s and came to a quite anti-climatic ending when said nymph took off to a neighbouring in-the-middle-of-nowhere-town to go to a party together with her personalized prince charming who is currently studying to become a pilot in Germany but was also home for the holidays, and I was left to resort to the good-old pub where I stood in the corner with my best friend, sipped on a pint of swedish beer and watched in mild disgust as girls all dolled-up in gothic attire who looked to be all of thirteen years of age rock out to such heavy tunes as "Womanizer" by your darling Ms Spears and "I kissed a girl" by whatshername...

Cesar, the sunshine of my existence, so far, I regret to announce, 2009 sucks...

I've been a wreck these past few nights, if you thought I was bad the night before I left Vancouver, you should see me now. I've been anxious about the future and obsessive and manic and depressed all at ONCE and finding my precious precious copy of "Recent Forgeries" (and before you make the outrageous mistake of asking "What's that" I suggest you do some research because I will not tolerate that sort of blasphemy right now) and re-reading it over and over didn't even help to calm me down and for your information that's very bad because ever since my mum gave it to me for my whatever birthday (20th I think) it's always done the trick, always! It's calmed me and inspired me and made me positive for so many years of sleepless nights. But this time it's like my surroundings are working against me. There are so many things around me, especially in the bookcase and closet in my old room, that remind me of past moments. And it's like i'm stuck in a museum dedicated to a former life that is supposed to be familiar to me and it is but I just don't fit in it anymore and that scares me but more than anything it makes me dangerously nostalgic, and you know me, when I start to reminisce... It's like a black hole. Anyway, I've got my coffee and my laptop and my family's not bothering me for once and now I am going to write! because one thing that's been positive is that I had some major new ideas for the film!

Also I have discovered the joys and conveiniences of drinking coffee from a cup with a saucer!

love you miss you
ida