wine.

Did not manage to get to sleep this morning, well yesterday morning, and at five I decided to Hell with it and stayed up. Had a fairly productive school day - we got sorted into our groups of three for the upcoming film project - and then after school I was lured into socialness by Anja and Min with the temptation of wine-drinking. We hung out in town for a while, got stuff to eat and talked a bit, then Min got ahold of a friend who would have us over for movie watching and wine drinking and so we went, although I was the only one who actuallt drank any wine (I've decided this does not count as drinking on my own, since other people were present!) and we watched half a movie and talked a lot and laughed a lot, and then it was midnight all of the sudden and me and Anja needed to be on our way home. I got to talking to a (probably drunk) lady on the bus about being creative and a feminist approach to the capitalist, pariarch world, etc, etc, and I was mildy entertaining and I missed my bus stop... she said, well hopefully you got some pointers out of the deal, but she was a scorpio so I'm hardly going to be taking her advice anytime soon... and then of course I got lost and walked around in the cold rain for way too long before I made it home at about two-ish, it's ow three and I'm still not sleepy! 34 hours and going strong... I need to rewrite my script and email Kalle and Azigzag who are n my group, but I should probably save that for the morning... I might have been talked into agreeing to an outing on Sunday as well. Swimming. At a bath house. I'm very likely to bail on that one, but we'll see... I had a good time tonight.

Weekend drivel.

School is wonderful, not much more to add than my previous rant, except yesterday we set out to socialize after school, yeah, you guessed right, drink.. The other D.I. people in town had organized a game of brännboll (that's the swedish equivalent of cricket, or baseball, or something.. we always had to play it in PE at school as soon as spring showed up and I always hated it, so I was the only one not playing besides the judges.. go figures.) then we just sat around on the grass and drank and smoked and talked and got to know each other. Then it started raining.

A guy in my class wanted to drag us all to this block party, so we set out across town, got there, it got a bit darker, we were all walking down the street drinking our various beverages (I had red wine.) and then the street ended and we realized that it wasn't so much a block party but a bunch of people standing in the middle of the road drinking or thronging at the entrances of various clubs and restaurants... so basically like any other night, apparantly, I wouldn't know, I've never gone out in Stockholm... I stood talking to a Production student and a Scriptwriting student (although he didn't say much, I think he was the shy sort... what am I saying... he was writer, plain and simple!)

Another guy knew of a party in the middle of nowhere, I rather stay and finish my conversation with the guy I was talking to, and then go home, but was persuaded by Katta to come for a bit, mostly because I wouldn't know how to get home without company or at least directions... so we went out in the middle of nowhere, met the guy's sister and cousins and friends, then they wanted to go out clubbing so we went all the way back into town, and Katta and I got away from the others and decided to call it a night. My journey home was a nightmare, because I was dead exhausted and the train took forever and then I realized I'd missed all my buses and got a bit panicky... luckily I went and asked a bus driver on break if there was anyway for me to get to Enebyberg or at least closer to it, and he told me he'd be driving by there, so ten minutes later I was on a bus going home.

Borrowed two student films on DVD with me home, Elkland and Janna & Liv (wasn't on imdb for some reason), that I watched this morning whilst eating my breakfast, they were really quite good, not as good as that short I (think I) told you about before, Victor & hans bröder, which was just absolutely amazing, but still, they were really good, especially for students, I mean, you would never have guessed, they were completely professional -- and I can't wait to make my own films!! -- next week we get our film cameras and we get to start filming! I'm so excited I could listen to the song!

Lesson One In How To Make Your Job As A Sales Associate Fun.

So I went and got another bottle of wine, declared my love for this Swedish girl who broke my heart all over her Facebook wall, drunk dialed some people, blacked out, then passed out, and the good news is that I'm not hungover, I'm still tipsy. And I have to get ready for work in oooh about an hour, so this will be a fun day!

first meeting

Through the moving darkness of drunken sleep a shrill ring tone broke through, insistant, almost desperate, panicked. Finally I tore myself from unconsciousness and stumbled into the hallway, as though familiar with this apartment, answered the door and it was her and it could have been a dream but it wasn't and I went back to bed and she was lying next to me, she was talking to me, touching me, kissing me, on my cheek and the corner of my mouth, and then I sunk into sleep again and the next thing I knew it was morning, I felt sick and she was gone.

2008, stained with red wine and anxiety and excitement, as always,

So, this is 2008. Looks rather the same to me.

We finally got some snow over here, and by some I mean the tiniest layer you could possibly imagine before it classifies as frost, just in time for the new year. I went into town and celebrated the event with a few friends of mine, and by friends i mean my one best friend and friends of his plus my darling girlfriend, and by girlfriend I unfortunately mean a friend who happens to be of the female persuasion. Every "living" soul in town, with exception for me and Fredde, felt the need to gather at the town square to listen to some wanker sing and then recite the new year speech. (I use the term "living" very loosely here, because the sight of this mass of people streaming toward the square from all directions, at a steady pace as though in a trans, hypnotized by the music, it really reminded us of a zombie movie.) They all then stare up into the sky at the fireworks financed by the very same gathering's tax money. Me and Fredde accompanied our friends to the square but decided to remain on the other side of the small river running through the town and, lounging against a streetlamp, chain smoked and mocked before-mentioned gathering like there was no tomorrow. The gathering proceeded to bombard us with fireworks by paying their taxes a year or so in advance, but our sarcasm and the fact that there was almost no tomorrow spurred us on and we prevailed.

When our, and by our I mean mostly Fredde's, friends decided to throw tradition to the wind and leave the square and go and get properly smashed in one of our local pubs, our spirits rose considerably. I stuck to red wine all night and stayed romantically tipsy and it went no further than that.

I don't know what part of me is the biggest right now and if the future year or the future in general frightens or excites me, possibly both at the same time with me being quite self-destructive in nature and a bit of a closet adrenaline junkie, but I suppose it doesn't really matter at the end of the day, because the future keeps looming over me either way and I can either try and hide from it, follow its flow, or try and create it as I go along.