Tedious everyday stuff.

Uploading my CV to different groups of retail companies' websites. I rather work in a café, especially over summer and autumn, but I'm in no position to be picky. Besides, one type of store that would be almost ideal for me and would be my dream job if making films weren't already... book stores! So, keep your fingers crossed for a position in one of those lining up for me. Looking for work is tiresome and discouraging. But now I'm going to replace my "new" pajamas (I got another bag of clothes from my sister-in-law, including a lovely pair of pajamas!) with something more respectable and head for school. Anja and I are working afternoons and evenings for three days now, because she already got a job and started this morning.

The scriptwriting course admission's third step will be announced this wednesday too. It's just an interview, and it's in Stockholm, so I'm actually hoping that I passed step two. So there's another reason to keep your fingers crossed.

Twenty-four.

So my 24th birthday came and went fairly quietly. I'd almost forgotten it myself in the morning. And then I was in school working wkith Anja. I'd got a bunch of Happys on Facebook that I only just saw and responded to now. And I got a text message from both my brothers respectively. And a phone call from each of my parents. And a proper birthday card in the mail, also from my parents. And Anja bought me a cup of coffee when we were taking a break from editing.

I can't believe I'm twenty-four. I'll be twenty-five next year. That's irreversibly and unquestionably grown-up. I don't feel very grown-up. I certainly don't act it most of the time. I guess those cliché quotes about age being a number and a state of mind and all that is true.

I've run into a pickle with my script. I don't know what to do with it. I have a strong mind to just discard the whole thing. But that would be giving up, and I'm trying not to do that as much any more. But even the post-it note thing isn't working out and I'm out of ideas and patience. 

Well, I should get some sleep. Got my nephew Theo's birthday party tomorrow, and my parents and little brother are taking me out to lunch before we're going over to my big brother's place for it, too.

Back

So by now we've finished shooting the short "Vargens timma", I'd meant to blog during the shoot and keep you updated on the process, but there wasn't time to, nor energy. One night we kept going well into the morning, and Anja and I stayed the night in the flat where we were filming, and that was the good day because it meant we got a few hours of extra sleep. But the shoot went well. The team was amazing. We got some great material. A couple of images in particular are awesome, so stay tuned for teaser trailer or film clip! So far we've only started syncing the images to the sounds, which is simple enough but takes FOREVER, and therefor we haven't been able to start editing yet...


We also had the pitch for 360 grader on friday. I'd given up on composing some sort of script for it and just had faith that I knew what my film was about and how I wanted it to look and I just went up and improvised. It went swimmingly. I felt really confident, even though I was extremely nervous before-hand. Same thing for Anja. In fact I think everyone were blown away by the fact that we both "took the stage" with such ease and confidence, no longer playing the insecure little shy girls that people have seen us as, and it felt really liberating. And even if I faked the confidence when I first went up, I found it for real as I stood there. And afterwards when Anja and I were congratulating each other on a job well done, a classmate of ours did this subconsciously patronizing thing that happens so often, he laughed and commented in the sort of voice you use to talk to kids or puppies and said we were cute, and both Anja and I instinctively put him right and told him not to say stuff like that, and he obviously felt bad because it wasn't his conscious intention, but that's so typical. When a girl has a victory she's "cute" but when a guy has the same victory he gets a heartfelt slap on the shoulder and a "Good work" that isn't high-pitched at all.


I've also applied to a scriptwriter's course for next year, as you know. And I moved on to stage two in the admission. We had to analyze a script of our choice and write down our thoughts on it in relation to our own writing, I chose "The indian runner" and started out praising the strong lead characters and their complex relationship and the plot as a whole, but ended up criticizing  it for its stereotypically two-dimensional female characters put into the story only to accentuate the male characters further (made a parallel to Lars Norén's female characters, for those of you familiar with his plays, as well as the female characters in the Bible) and ended the whole feminist manifesto saying scripts like this made me not want to, but feel the need to write my own scripts, just as powerful but with the paper dolls a.k.a. female characters taken out and replaced by actual three-dimensional human beings with minds of their own, because I can't relate to the two female leads in The Indian Runner at all, I can relate to Frank (played by Viggo Mortensen) and even Joe (played by David Morse) because they're stereotypically human, as opposed to stereotypically male. Maybe I came on a bit too strong, but as I told Cesar in an email a few hours ago, if they end up accepting me into the course, they might as well be prepared for what they're taking on, right... We also had to write a scene between 2-3 characters with the theme jealousy. So I struggled with that yesterday and managed to convert it to pdf as well and got it sent off just in time for the deadline!

Going home for the day now. Should be doing yoga, but don't think I'll make it in time. Should also eat something, but don't think I have much food left in my cupboards. I have rice, I think. And soured milk, some at least. And salsa. All very yummy! Especially combined!

Saturday, and clearly spring.

So I woke up at six o'clock this morning, at first feeling pretty good, but I think that was a reaction in comparison to how I normally feel when I'm up at six in the morning. I got up, and started to feel dizzy and faint. I also had a killer crick in my neck so I must have slept too curled up... I went to make coffee, planning to get som writing done before going to Vårrullen film festival where I was supposed to promote Baskursen at Dramatiska Institutet with three guys from my class. But I started feeling nauseous so I went back to bed. I couldn't go back to sleep so I watched two and a half movies (Saw 1, Killer deadline and From dusk till dawn) before I dozed off. My mobile ring tone (which is the song my little brother and his band recorded when he was like 13...) woke me up at noon and it was one of the guys, they were heading towards the place. I still felt like death reheated in a microwave, plus my throat was started to get sore, so I called Tobbe to make sure he had the stuff and that he was going, and then I decided to stay home and take it easy. I feel bad about it, since now our course is being represented by guys only, since I was the only girl who signed up, but I can't afford to get sick before the shoot, in case I'm coming down with another cold or something... I did discard my winter jacket the other day and yesterday it was pouring down rain...

Positive things, though! We now have a beautiful, perfect flat to shoot in, it was like walking into my own script, the only thing I could think was "This is where Maj (the main character) lives!" so that's taken care of, beyond expectations. And yesterday we heard back from the photographer, and she said yes too! I'm clapping my hands and giggling whenever I think about it!

The plant I got from mum when I got into D.I. has resurrected again. It's even got a new leaf amidst the dried-up old ones now.

After I met up with my old friend Annsofie for a coffee and a chat a while back, I wrote three poems on the ride home, just straight from my subconscious, no editing, and I put them up on this poetry website, and one of them ("luftskjul") were selected by the editors to be on the main page, they have a place for poems they want people to pay attention to, and I never got one of my poems noticed like that before, with my edited poems, so maybe poetry works the opposite way from scriptwriting for me, because my first draft of a script is incomprehensible to most people and I need to edit like crazy before anyone gets what it's about, and I rely on loads of good feedback to get the story where it needs to go... but apparantly in poetry, I should just wruite from my "creative unconscious" as the mother character in "Running with scissors" kept saying, and not edit too much...

I feel better now, just got a mild headache and a mildly sore throat (but my neck still hurts like a thumbscrew!) but I'm glad I decided to stay at home, I think I need the weekend to focus and recharge my batteries, plus I have to write a new version for Vargens timma and start editing Brev till min mamma (which needs a lot of work, the main plot was lost on Maria, so it's as unclear as can be, pus she said it was too slow in the build-up, I needed to start where the "action" starts for the main character, and she's completely right, of course, she's actually really great at giving feedback!)

Jam jars!

Growing out of my skin. The future is a kaleidoscope of confusing thoughts and maybe-options. Dreams. Realities. Not really terrifying, at least not today. Possibilities. Hope. Self-confidence.

I just compiled an application package for scriptwriting course on distance (is that what you call it, I don't think so... I don't know what you call it. But you work from home, you don't go to a school every day, you only meet up about three times per term, the rest of the time you keep in contact with mentors and course mates via internet and work on your own projects and give each other feedback. I thought that would be a great option, because then you can work at the same time and earn your rent, plus work on your film projects on the side as well, if you have time.) and mailed it. I also mailed a letter to Mexico.

In a bit, Anja and I are meeting up with a photographer we hope will want to shoot our short. After that we have a script meeting with out teacher Maria. After that we're going to look at a flat we'll hopefully be allowed to shoot in.

The date of our first day of filming is getting closer. Both Anja and I are rather stressed out. But we also had a meeting with the photo professor at the school yesterday and told him about the script and what we wanted to do (show the world as the main character sees it when she's experiencing anxiety with distorted perspective, tunnel vision, shadows moving around her, and then as it gets really bad, we want to embody Anxiety itself as this shadow creature watching her from the background and slowly moving closer to her) and he gave us loads of inspiring and creative tips and ideas, like us, he's all for old school tricks as opposed to the newest, most expensive technique, and that was a relief to hear. For example, instead of a 35 mm adapter and different lenses to achieve these effects like distorted perception of the room, he said he used film through different see-through objects like jam jars and the glass part of a paraffin lamp. And he also said that he filmed in a studio once and they literally made the room bigger and smaller by moving the walls, and said that would be a really effective way to make the walls close in on the character... but we're filming on location, so the walls are immovable, but then I thought of a way to achieve that same effect, if you go in for closer shots so that you don't see the whole rooms or more than one wall, you can move a piece of furniture closer, or move the actor (that would be me...) closer to the wall! So yes, we're stressed out, but we're also really excited now, thanks to the inspiration of this teacher! Old school tricks seem to be one.) more effective and creative, and two.) way more fun!

Well, I should get going. Just wanted to check in.
Peace, love and respect