tedious everyday life.

I stayed up to about five o'clock this morning. And was woken up by my boss calling me on my mobile. He said he called the new girl that I'm supposed to train as a barista and told her that she didn't have to come in tonight. And that I could be both server and barista. And then come in and train her on my nights off. I really need to find another job.

I also called around to the agencies where I dropped packages two weeks ago and tried to weasel some feedback out of them. One didn't answer. One had no idea about anything. One said he'd call me back in half an hour.

I need to get new headshots done. I'm going to give Rob Daly a call and set up an appointment for a session as soon as he has an opening.

On a more personal note, I've fallen in love... I'm head over heels in love with this cynical, chain-smoking, wine-drinking, irish comedian... yes. It's Dylan Moran.

Okay. Seriously. Serious matter. Here goes...

I can never fall in love with a real person. It's always someone I can observe from afar. Someone who doesn't get to close to me. But I'd like to change that some day. I'd like to be able to connect. Closely. Be absorbed by another living, breathing, pulsating, smiling, being. Someone who is not a chain-smoking, cynical, wine-drinking Irish comedian whom I've never met in real life, or the triple agent of a teve show, or the feline villain in a comic book, or even a beautiful person of flesh and blood whom I've only encountered on the internet. The closest thing i have right now is an unattainable attraction toward a real life acquaintance. Off limits. Well, go figure the hormons a.k.a. feelings are flowing then... whenever the person get too close i run away, emotionally, and shut myself in my little rib-caged cupboard and yell at them from the other side of the door, go away, i made a mistake, i do apologize, but kindly fuck off now. You know?

I want to be one with another human being without all of that. I want to touch that person and allow them, want them, need them to touch me, and it doesn't have to be sexual, it doesn't have to be all that, just purely, simply, affecting one another. Okay. I want to build a bridge. How's that?

I love you SO MUCH, I want to rip the spine out of your back so that I can move in...

I'm still beating my way through the jungle of Vancouver acting agencies seeking representation, well, I've dropped five packages and I'm still waiting by the phone that doesn't ever ring, basically. I'm intending to get new headshots taken soon and then I will proceed my hunt in the very heart of darkness that is show biz and hopefully, if I'm lucky, I'll land an audition for a one-liner in a commercial, but then I shouldn't set my goals too high, I wouldn't want to be disappointed.

Okay. So that was the cynicism indulgence of my day. Now I'm off to smile for seven hours straight at the generous compensation that is minimum wage. Yes, that's correct. I'm still serving what little on our menues we actually have to the posh population of Kits who have come to complain about dreadful standards of Death by Chocolate. But I'm not yet dead. I think that's a bright-ish side of things.

I had three days off in the beginning of this week, however, and I was in heaven. Or at least a very comfy place. I lit a candle, opened a bottle of red and wrote the second draft of my swedish novel which has been lying useless on my USB drive for almost a year and a half now. I was very pleased with myself.

I have also discovered Dylan Moran's comedic genius. (The title of this entry is actually one of his many, many brilliant quotes.) And life is good.