I stayed up to about five o'clock this morning. And was woken up by my boss calling me on my mobile. He said he called the new girl that I'm supposed to train as a barista and told her that she didn't have to come in tonight. And that I could be both server and barista. And then come in and train her on my nights off. I really need to find another job.
I also called around to the agencies where I dropped packages two weeks ago and tried to weasel some feedback out of them. One didn't answer. One had no idea about anything. One said he'd call me back in half an hour.
I need to get new headshots done. I'm going to give Rob Daly a call and set up an appointment for a session as soon as he has an opening.
On a more personal note, I've fallen in love... I'm head over heels in love with this cynical, chain-smoking, wine-drinking, irish comedian... yes. It's Dylan Moran.
Okay. Seriously. Serious matter. Here goes...
I can never fall in love with a real person. It's always someone I can observe from afar. Someone who doesn't get to close to me. But I'd like to change that some day. I'd like to be able to connect. Closely. Be absorbed by another living, breathing, pulsating, smiling, being. Someone who is not a chain-smoking, cynical, wine-drinking Irish comedian whom I've never met in real life, or the triple agent of a teve show, or the feline villain in a comic book, or even a beautiful person of flesh and blood whom I've only encountered on the internet. The closest thing i have right now is an unattainable attraction toward a real life acquaintance. Off limits. Well, go figure the hormons a.k.a. feelings are flowing then... whenever the person get too close i run away, emotionally, and shut myself in my little rib-caged cupboard and yell at them from the other side of the door, go away, i made a mistake, i do apologize, but kindly fuck off now. You know?
I want to be one with another human being without all of that. I want to touch that person and allow them, want them, need them to touch me, and it doesn't have to be sexual, it doesn't have to be all that, just purely, simply, affecting one another. Okay. I want to build a bridge. How's that?
2 comments:
I've waited all my life for others to follow me to achieving my dreams... I always wrote it off as "I'm a leader. I need followers" but the truth was that I just needed the extra support... But when it comes to achieving ones own dreams... You need to be reckless in the sense that you need to go after them even if the loved ones aren't soon to follow.
"I want to be one with another human being without all of that. I want to touch that person and allow them, want them, need them to touch me, and it doesn't have to be sexual, it doesn't have to be all that, just purely, simply, affecting one another." <- Beautifully written. Human encounters are so numerous but actual human interaction is rare... human interaction in its finest sense though.. that raw emotions on your sleeve requiring no words connection...
You're right. I am looking to be captivated. I have to say, right now, your blog is doing quite the trick. keep with the posting =)
PS: it really sounds like you hate that dayjob of yours. lol.
the difficulty is in discovering, and then founding, authentic interactions with people.
Everyone wants something, it seems, that they can have of you. A piece they can display on the mantle as a proud achievement.
Pursue your dreams, your desires and your wants with a sense of self. It's the only way to feel as though you've accomplished anything.
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