thoughts on images and stories

I feel like I'm better understood here, I don't know if it's a language thing or a culture thing, but the type of stories that I want to tell and the type of ideas that I get make more sense to people here, or some people I should say, but I think in general I feel more at home in the European, and Scandinavian in particular, film culture, and I think my stories fit better and would be more accepted here.

But maybe it's because they also think in images, these people that understand what I'm trying to say or do, as well. That's something I've realized lately, well I've always known it of course, but it's become clear to me that it's the root to some of my problems with misunderstandings and difficulties expressing myself, because I think in images and I struggle first to put those images into words that make sense to myself, and then I have to try and translate those words into new words that makes sense to the person or people I'm explaining it to, and most of the time I don't get my point across at all and it always frustrates me, but that's something I've just got to work on I guess, putting words to my images. It's really weird, that. Because I usually don't have a problem with that when I'm writing, at least not when I'm writing prose, but I guess that's because I've already processed the images enough by the time someone else reads it so the translation is already made, whereas when I'm trying to tell someone of an idea, that's where the problem starts. Half the time, when I've had an idea, I've been convinced it's not complete or good enough or something, and so I've abandoned it, and that's just because I've become so frustrated with myself for not being able to express it the way it looks in my head.. but at the same time, the other half of the times, it's been the opposite, where my idea really benefits from the discussion that erupts from the misunderstandings or confusion when I can't explain it properly, so it's not always a bad thing. But I think I still need to practise expressing myself, or at least practise not getting frustrated with myself when I can't get a point across immediately!

We're doing scriptwriting this week. I'm itching to start, so far though it's been a lot of talking, but it's the first day, so that's valid, but I was getting really restless, because all of last week was all seminars and introductions and theory and film viewing, and I just want to do stuff, I'm crawling out of my skin with pent up creativity! Which is a good thing, I suppose, or preferable to having no ideas or inspiration at all, but it's also frustrating when you don't find the time to do anything. My mum was visiting this weekend, so I hung out with her

(we spent all of Saturday at the Modern Museum, and then we got crisps and soda and went back to mine and watched The Green Butchers in my room, and on Sunday we went for brunch at this vegetarian restaurant that she'd discovered at some point that I hadn't been to before, and it was awesome by the way, and then we window shopped in the pouring rain until she had to catch her train..)

and during the week I've been really out of it when I haven't been busy with school stuff and trying to get some sleep. But tonight, I've decided, I have to finish my novel. It's like an albatross about my neck.