crossing the road

I just said goodbye to Ana. (and she hugged me. Because it's almost Christmas. Or so she said... it was fine. I think she might be on my list of "People I don't mind hugging" now, so that's fine...) She's flying to Peru tonight. Now I'm sitting in Blenz on Broadway and Granville, thinking what if my world is falling apart again. What if I go back to Sweden for five months and then don't get accepted to Emily Carr. What if this is the end of the Canadian Road for me? I know I'm indulging in my anxiety and I just need to get my shit together and review my options and sit down and make a conscious, informed choice and stick to it, but I am so terrible at that stuff. To be honest it terrifies me. Because if you're a leaf in the wind and you land in the middle of the road or a lake, it's not your fault and maybe you were meant to get there and you have thus completely washed your hands off any responsibility of your own life, because this is your life, you don't want to fuck that up, right, I mean just imagine... well, that's ridiculous, I know. Anyway, I have to go to work. I know things will work out in the end they always do.