Vancouver International airport. Waiting at my gate, aptly located at the far end of the entire airport, having already gone through Purgatory I am now awaiting the jaws of Hell to open up and swallow me and then board me onto a solid steel vessel posing as a bird to take me to Chicago of all place, Chicago I ask you, who wants to go there? I have every intention of getting on the first available flight out of there as soon as I land, I assured the sour-faced border official as she took my fingerprints, I am going to Stockholm, to Stockholm, SWEDEN, yes, thank you, happy christmas.
And then of course there were metal detectors to pass through after I'd checked my suitcase, without any jackets, hoodies or shoes or metal objects on my person, and of course, having completely miscalculated the size of aforte-mentioned suitcase I was wearing two hoodies, a jean jacket and a winter coat, plus almost-too-tight leather boots straining between my calves and the narrow-cut jeans that I carefully had to peel off in order to get the fuckers off my legs, and then there was this laptop to be removed from its laptop bag and a forgotten belt with metal buckle that caused the detector to beep at me and as a punishment I was molested with an equally beeping piece of plastic. Yes. It was all very lovely. As usual. It is now a quarter to eight. I've been here since six. I managed to fish enough coins outs of my pockets to buy a coffee but have not had as much as a sip of it yet since like everything else in Hades it's scorchingly hot and have only managed to spill half of it over my hand walking to, yes, the very far end of the bloody place. I have not slept for two nights. I bloody hate airports. In fact, the only thing I hate more than airports are aeroplanes.
I was quite anxious about this trip, in fact I was panicking all night, but now I am merely pissed off.
Happy Christmas.
3 comments:
Conjures images of a firebreathing Santa Claus with a barbed whip riding an aeroplane through a burning portal, tossing bombs down on the heads of heathens and pagan worshipers everywhere.
Good luck with your travels in Sweden, hopefully your existence cools off once you get there.
Merry Christmas!
Hah, yeah I know, I was kind of expecting something like that, but then I really hate flying and I'm a negative person to begin with ;)
Happy Christmas to you too and save new year's and all that!
The whole idea of cramming ourselves into what equates to a giant sardine can with wings has always been a peculiar idea to me...that being said, you seem to have made it out alright in one piece.
Oddly enough it's dropping huge flakes of snow all over Vancouver right now...maybe the city misses you?
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