On the brink of something extreme, don't know what yet

So, tomorrow is the day. I just spoke to the film guy again on the phone and to be honest I don't have a very good feeling about this, but I'm in a desperate situation and it calls for a leap.. and then there's the interview at the dramatic institute, so that's a good thing (I'm awfully nervous!)

And today my Vancouver pals are shooting their short! I'm ever so excited about that as well, I just wish I could be there with them, but ah well. Another time! Trust me, though, I think it's going to be brilliant, because the script is great and they're a talented and creative lot, so I'm sure it's going to be something really special (unless they kill each other in the process!)

Heading into town for a coffee right now. Well, in a bit.

paintings

PS

Mike made an acid clockwerk piece out of two of my self-portraits I took the other day! Check it out.

I'm back!

I went into the job office and got them to order my train tickets (and pay for them) for when I go to Stockholm. Meeting with that film guy does count as a job interview after all... I didn't tell them about the interview at the school though, or the looking at a room for rent, but it's not like I out-right lied to them, technically...

I was up all night painting as well, so perhaps (hopefully) I'm coming out of my energy and creativity hibernation. About time. Spring came and went and I've hardly done a damn thing. Well, apart from taking some pictures and making a couple of crappy quality shorts. It's just not the same. Because I know what it feels like when I give something my all as opposed to merely functioning on auto-pilot and that's what I've been doing ever since I got back to Sweden to be honest...

Early this morning before I went to bed I came together with my inspiration again and accessed that higher level of whatever, energy, I suppose, you know the state I mean when you're not thinking, and you're 100% there and alive and your skin tingles and you feel slightly feverish, your cheeks are kind of hot and you're kind of dizzy and it's like an out-of-body experience at the same time as you feel more in your skin than you usually are and it's like falling and soaring all at once? yeah, you know what I mean... anyways, I had that last night/this morning, and it only lasted for about a quarter of an hour, but it was a wake-up call (yet again) and that's how I want to live my life, (almost) every moment of it. Not quarter of an hour every six months, all the time! Most of the time I'm not even here. You can see me and touch me and talk to me but I'm not really here at all. I'm somewhere else. Hiding somewhere. Dreaming. Drifting. You know.. well, I've had enough of it, I want to be here, where my feet are, and I want to do stuff, stuff that matter, you know?

filming with a mobile phone

I engaged my brother Simon and to some extent my dad in the making of that three minute mobile phone film for the dramatic institute, I made some blood and we made a mess of the kitchen and it was awesome, but in the end the film was terrible and I decided not to go with it and tried a different approach... and I had another, simpler idea, that I persuaded my brother to go along with (on the condition that I don't put it up on youtube or facebook... -- it involves makeup...) and we shot it while the parents were out and it turned out great! I shot the whole thing against the light from various windows, and in the end, as he's in the bathroom putting on makeup, I filmed his reflection and ours is a bathroom mirror that's also a cupboard so there's an edge in the middle of it, and I positioned myself so that it ran straight down the middle of Simon's face (for the most part) -- I hope the people at the film school will get the symbolism in those things, because I put a lot of thought into it and quite felt like I was following in the footsteps of Bergman or something! well... maybe not... but I thought it was rather clever at least, plus I timed it perfectly, so Simon walks out of the house and the door closes behind him, right in fornt of me, at the end and that 2 minutes and 54 seconds! Cool, right?