NEW BLOG

http://www.idathomasdotter.com/

the address to my new website, but since I haven't had the time to finish coding it yet, I have a simple wordpress blog there right now. I won't be using this one anymore, so if you want to keep track, change your bookmarks.

Toodle-pip!

Good, good, good day today today!

Today was great!

I had a meeting with my contact person on one of the temp agencies I've been working extra through and told her about the circumstances at that particular store and explained why I can't deal with working there any longer, and she understood exactly where I was coming from and said I was such a loyal and qualified employee of theirs that they just couldn't afford to lose, so she would get in touch with her contact on one of the other stores that they have this kind of arrangement with and book a training day for me with them, and then they'd move me to that pool instead, so in the near future I'll be done with this store and its sexist employees and customers and be selling adorable design children's clothes to neurotic young parents instead!

I went from my meeting in such a hgh mood, I decided to give the other temp agency a call while I was on a roll and told them I wanted to start working for them again and they gladly accepted.

With some time to kill before the casting session with my top first choice for one of the main characters in Anna's short and one of our favourites from the open casting session we've already had, I treated myself to some sushi and decided to do a bit of brainstorming on paper for my screenplay, but ended up getting inspired to dive into my novel again, a manuscript that's been dormant since I started writing screenplays basically, so that was a huge, but obviously pleasant surprise!

The casting went great, as well. "My" guy was excellent for the part I'd insisted he be perfect for, despite what you might think at first glance, and the two of them really worked together, they complimented each and balanced each other out in an interesting way, their chemistry and dynamic is really nice, but natural and low-key, not like fireworks or sizzling UST or anything like that, which is just what the characters relationship is, it's just what it is, just of course, you know? Afterwards Anna completely agreed with me, so now it's decided, they're the ones! So now we have the two main characters! And that is such a huge load off my back somehow, I hadn't realised how stressed I've been about casting this until tonight, but now that it's settled I notice the difference immediately, it's a huge relief, because now we have the core of the cast as well as the film itself, since the story is built on these two characters and their relationship and this low-key chemistry, and now it feels entirely possible that everything else will just fall into place around them somehow.

Tomorrow it's writing and laundry all day and night, perhaps a bit of cleaning of my room simultaneously as the laundry gradually clears out, and probably a walk or something somewhere in there as well, since I'll probably go crazy if I don't leave the house at all, because that's usually what happens...

Anyway, just wanted to take this opportunity to actually update my blog with something positive for once, not use it as a venting tool or free therapy, but actually put it out there that yes, I do have good days too, and today was one! Now, good night.

Bitterness & "Boygame" casting

Started planning our first casting for "Boygame" whilst working non-stop. I'm quite fed up with this, the other day was a nightmare and that was the last straw on some level for me, in the back of my mind I'm already set on quitting. I've requested a change of store from the agency, they'll get in touch with me on Monday. I'm going to tell them it's killing my back not to be able to rotate between the register and the store (which is true) but leave out the part about the customers, because customers are the same anywhere so as long as I'm temping in a customer service oriented job, I have to keep that to myself. But I'm really too empathetic and sensitive to handle that type of job. As soon as someone is the slightest bit rude or grumpy or upset, it gets to me. Even though, logically, I know it's not personal or whatever, I just want to leave everything or burst into tears or something, plus it takes me at least half an hour to shake it off. I literally don't have a single moment's spare time this week, let alone an hour or two to edit my short film. I don't when I'll be able to finish it, at this rate I won't have it done by September even, it'll be way into winter before I can even have a sound technician look at it! Diet's still on. Not really much of a change, though. Maybe I really have to start working out in order to get thinner.. Like I'll have time and energy to do that.. Wow, I'm in a bitter mood! Sorry, didn't mean to spread any negativity.

Work, work, work

Today was supposed to be spent editing "Varma Mackor" but while at work (the paying one) yesterday they wheedled me into working today as well, something I deeply regret at the moment. I'm on the train, half-way there, it's six o'clock and I feel undead, and not in a romantic way. I had to get up at 4:20 this morning, about half an hour at least before the sun dragged its lazy behind over the sky line, feeling less than chipper since I got home from a late production meeting at midnight after having worked all day and thus got about four hours of sleep at the most, all in all not entirely unusual, except I'm not filming. It's a regular bread job. Not okay, really not. And I work tomorrow too. Tell you what, though.. I'm not accepting any more hours in august. I don't have the time or the energy, and I certainly don't need to, I have more than enough for september's rent and bills now.. I'm really stressed out about my projects right now. Well, "Varma Mackor" mostly since all the new projects are already taking up what little time and energy spared by the stupid bread job, and I don't see how I'll be able to finish editing it and find a sound technician if this goes on.. Also my producer has been MIA since the shoot, which worries and frustrates me as well. At least I know where to start once I find the time to sit down in the editing room again, thanks to Anja's feedback.

Talk of things unreal and real.

Spent the day with Anja at Filmbasen. She watched the rough cut of "Varma Mackor" and gave me feedback, we talked about everything as always, including future plans. Briefly, we touched on the the idea of starting a production company together, but she had to go to work and we didn't really have time to get into it, just threw it out there as a possibility. 

I've been listening to Bonnie Tyler and Kim Carnes. Weird, I know. 

Today was also the official first day of my idiotic diet, that I've decided on, for losing a whole bunch of weight, that I probably can't spare, for the role in Tove's film. Anja got pretty upset with me when I told her, but eventually backed down (probably for strategic reasons since she, herself, dropped a diet bomb on me when she told me she's going to start eating fish again, and realised that she couldn't expect me not to get upset with that if she was upset with mine) 

Other than that I feel (generally anxious and) like time's slipping out of reach. I don't know when I'll be able to finish "Varma Mackor". The paying type of work is getting in the way and is not only time-consuming but steals my energy and inspiration as well. I started working on the second draft of the screenplay for my next film this morning before it was time for me to go meet up with Anja, but I can't really focus, and I have all this other shit muddling my mind right now, all my own fault of course, since it's all, entirely, one big figment of my imagination. Told Anja about that, too. Knew I could, because I knew she'd get it, and she did. What's so frustrating, though, is that no matter how unreal the situation is, and no matter how perfectly aware of that I am, the feelings generated from it are completely real, because there's no such thing as imagined feelings, feelings aren't either real or unreal, they are what they are, they're as real as they can ever be while you have them and when they go away they're not there anymore, it's basic, crude, nerve reactions or whatever, like electrical sparks in the brain or something, no more, no less, but has more of an impact on you than any other thing, it's fascinating really, when you think about it. Terms like "real" becomes insufficient when you're talking about feelings, and I think that's why I like paying attention to them more than logic and reason most of the time, because I've always felt "real", as a concept to relate to, was rather muddled and confusing, so I get feelings, because they're not this rigid thing, they're just exactly what they happen to be at any given moment, and that I can relate to. 

Anyway. That's a tangent.

I'm going to give writing another go now. Back to earning money tomorrow, so I should make the most of tonight on the creativity front.